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Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up.

Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. AqW3
raditionally, gender role issue has always discriminated women and it is considered a woman to be responsible for the upbringing of children. Nowadays, these traditions are changing gradually. It is agreed that both parents should share these responsibilities and at the same time should support each other. This can be proved by looking at how fathers who spend the whole day with their children can be a good motivator for them and mothers are becoming the bread-earners for the family. Also, it is agreed that fathers motivate their children more than mothers do. For example, males are more interested towards sports activities. Firstly, some people argue that mother should take care of the Family, especially the kids; however these thoughts have changed over the time and nowadays fathers have started sharing parental and domestic responsibilities. So, by taking their children to sports events such as football matches, swimming, etc. will develop an interest for sports in them. This shows that fathers can motivate a child to become a sports person. Secondly, the tradition of women is to stay at home and bringing up children have changed and women have started taking work from all fields, along with this they also take care of their children. For instance, it has been seen that many working women take maternity leave during and after their pregnancy period and continue to work after these leaves. Some women prefer to do work from home if provided by their employer. In some cases, women may have better career prospects than their husbands. So, the father had to take paternity leave and become a househusband, which is becoming more common nowadays. Thus, it is clear from the above discussion women can be a bread-earning person for a family. Following this look at how both parents share responsibility for caring their children. Thus, it has been proven that fathers are equally responsible for the upbringing of their children.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
raditionally
, gender role issue has always discriminated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and it
is considered
a woman to be responsible for the upbringing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Nowadays, these traditions are changing
gradually
. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that both parents should share these responsibilities and at the same time should support each other. This can
be proved
by looking at how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
who spend the whole day with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
motivator for them and mothers are becoming the bread-earners for the family.
Also
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
motivate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more than mothers do.
For example
, males are more interested towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that mother should take care of the Family,
especially
the kids;
however
these thoughts have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
over the time and nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
sharing parental and domestic responsibilities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, by taking their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
such as football matches, swimming, etc. will develop an interest for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in them. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
can motivate a child to become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
person.

Secondly
, the tradition of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
is to stay at home and bringing up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
taking work from all fields, along with this they
also
take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For instance
, it has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
take maternity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
during and after their pregnancy period and continue to work after these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
prefer to do work from home if provided by their employer. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
may have better career prospects than their husbands.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
had to take paternity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
and become a househusband, which is becoming more common nowadays.
Thus
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the above discussion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can be a bread-earning person for a family.

Following this look at how both parents share responsibility for caring their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Thus
, it has
been proven
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fathers
are
equally
responsible for the upbringing of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
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IELTS essay Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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