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In some countries the average weight of people is increasing, and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing, and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? 5666B
Nowadays, several nations facing problem with rapidly growing obesity among citizens, Also the physical health of people are declining. I totally agree with the given statement, Moreover i will give a detail explanation about the causes and the solution of the given context further in an essay. To begin, my first and foremost point to cause this phenomenon is increasing consumption of fast food, Because the fast food, mostly contain fat and oil which may increase fatness in the human body. Secondly, People may use mostly their leisure time to shop and socializing application on the internet. Thirdly, advancement in the technology makes a person's life comfortable, Thus anything they want they can buy from online. Such as, clothes, Household accessories so on. Finally, Due to the advance machinery peoples do less physical work in comparing to the past. Now, everything would be done by just a click of one button. On the other hand, to overcome from this situation all elementary schools should have to add physical health as compulsory subject. Secondly, the government should make some campaign to aware citizen regarding fitness. Moreover, authorities should build some Public parks and sports centres, As a result, people may do some physical activities. For example, To maintain physical health of the citizens, The government of India starts Physical training as subject in primary school. In conclusion, I reiterate that Physical health is an important part of life to stay active in this competitive life. This can be solved if both government and citizen both take some valuable measurements towards this consequence,
Nowadays, several nations facing problem with
rapidly
growing obesity among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
,
Also


the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
health

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are declining. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement,

Moreover


Did you mean "I"?
i
will give a detail explanation about the causes and the solution of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
context
further


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
an essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, my
first


and foremost point to cause this

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
phenomenon
is increasing consumption of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food,
mostly
contain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and oil which may increase fatness in the human body.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
mostly
their leisure time to shop and socializing application on the internet.
Thirdly
, advancement in the technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a person's life comfortable,

Thus


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
anything
they want they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
from online. Such

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
as
, clothes, Household accessories
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Finally
, Due to the advance machinery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
do less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
work in comparing to the past.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, everything would
be done
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a click of one button.

On the other hand
, to overcome from this

situation all elementary schools should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
health

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
as
compulsory subject.
Secondly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
campaign to aware
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizen
regarding fitness.
Moreover
, authorities should build
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Public parks and sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
,
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities.
For example
, To maintain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
health


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
of
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
, The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of India
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Physical
training as subject in primary school.

In conclusion
, I reiterate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Physical
health

is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of life to stay active in this

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
competitive
life. This

can
be solved
if both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizen
both take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
valuable measurements towards this

consequence,
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IELTS essay In some countries the average weight of people is increasing, and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

Essay
  American English
21 paragraphs
261 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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