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Should parents be obliged to immunis their children against echildhood diseases? Or do individuals have the right to choose not to immunise their children?

Should parents be obliged to immunis their children against echildhood diseases? Or do individuals have the right to choose not to immunise their children? OVVVd
Immunization is one of the ways to make immunity against most common infections, It's a marvelous development of science and medicine. It should be a personal choice not an obligations due to two reasons firstly medical as well as social. Talking about medical reason, A number of children are living with inborn errors which might get triggered with immunization, It could be very lethal for them hence making it mandatory is unjustifiable approach. For instance kids born with Severe Combine Immunodeficiency Disease Rota virus vaccine is contraindicated in the light of the fact of risk of encephalopathy. Turning towards Social reason, Enforcing vaccination for kids is like taking the right of choice from parents for their incompetent child. In modern time every one has their own preferences And they should be respected provided they are not harming other person or themselves. Making vaccination mandatory for the young ones is equivalent to taking the right of choice away from the parents, They Don't have any saying in what is better for their children, Its against the basic human right namely right to freedom and freedom of choice. Its more of inclining towards a dictatorship phenomena. In conclusion for incompetent class of our community immunizations should be a decision made by the family due to the better knowledge of their medical history as well as it is their fundamental right to decide what is better for their kids.
Immunization is one of the ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
immunity against most common infections, It's a marvelous development of science and medicine. It should be a personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
not an obligations due to two reasons
firstly
medical
as well
as social.

Talking about medical reason, A number of children are living with inborn errors which might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
triggered with immunization, It could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
lethal for them
hence
making it mandatory is unjustifiable approach.
For instance
kids born with Severe Combine Immunodeficiency Disease Rota virus vaccine
is contraindicated
in the light of the fact of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of encephalopathy.

Turning towards Social reason, Enforcing vaccination for kids is like taking the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
from parents for their incompetent child. In modern time every one has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
preferences And they should
be respected
provided they are not harming other person or themselves. Making vaccination mandatory for the young ones is equivalent to taking the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
away from the parents, They Don't have any saying in what is better for their children,
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
Its
against the basic human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
namely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
to freedom and freedom of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
. Its more of inclining towards a dictatorship phenomena.

In conclusion
for incompetent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
of our community immunizations should be a decision made by the family due to the better knowledge of their medical history
as well
as it is their fundamental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
to decide what is better for their kids.
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IELTS essay Should parents be obliged to immunis their children against echildhood diseases? Or do individuals have the right to choose not to immunise their children?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
236 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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