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In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message? AjjjN
Is it good to tell children they can get whatever they want if they do hard work? In most of the religions people told their children try hard to get what they wish. Well in my opinion yes it is very important for them to know never leave anything in between just because they are not getting their desired result. Trying best can not only motivates them but also made them to realised the meaning of success. When my cousin was in fifth standard he had stage fear but when he tried his best to overcome that he not only won the best speaker award but also he got motivated and conquered his fear with his never giving attitude. So never think about fears instead if overcome those with positivity. At certain point this make some negative effects on children mind and thinking process. If they are giving every aspect which required to excel their task and they failed then trying hard on particular task was not good option everything required time. One of my friend wanted to become yoga instructor she was very found of doing exercises but currently she is doctor she gave her best to become what she wanted the reason was she do not have required skills in her due to this she started taking all in negative way. For children it is necessary to chossed according to their interest. Therefore upper mentioned reasons show that with determination and never giving attitude will help them in every aspects of their life positively.
Is it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
whatever they want if they do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work? In most of the religions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
try
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
what they wish. Well in my opinion yes it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for them to know never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
anything in between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not getting their desired result. Trying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
The verb 'can' requires base form of the verb: "motivate"
motivates
them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
made them
Did you mean "to realise"?
to realised
the meaning of success. When my cousin was in fifth standard he had stage fear
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when he tried his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
to overcome that he not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
won the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
speaker award
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
motivated and conquered his fear with his never giving attitude.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about fears
instead
if overcome those with positivity. At certain point this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
mind and thinking process. If they are giving every aspect which required to excel their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
task and
they failed then trying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
on particular task was not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
option everything required time. One of my friend wanted to become yoga instructor she was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
found of doing exercises
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
currently
she is doctor she gave her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
to become what she wanted the reason was she do not have required
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in her due to this she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
taking all in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
way. For
The comma is probably missing here: "children, it".
children it
is necessary to
Possible spelling mistake found.
chossed
according to their interest.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
upper mentioned reasons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that with determination and never giving attitude will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "aspect"?
aspects
of their life
positively
.
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IELTS essay In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
256 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
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  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
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  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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