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In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What are the causes of this problem and what are some solutions? v.2

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What are the causes of this problem and what are some solutions? v. 2
The normal weight of human has significantly accelerated globally and population lacks the determination to maintain a healthy body weight. This essay will explore the causes which includes overeating and lack of physical activity and would suggest solution including government taxing Junk food and building more recreational places for public consumption. Some countries' standard body index weight has been growing drastically while the activity ratio has been poor. This is because of the overconsumption of fast food items which are high on fats and carbs, as they are pocket-friendly and has less preparation time. In addition, most people have stopped physical activities such basic as walking, are preferring a cab even if the distance is shorter. In the USA itself, for instance, many people are diagnosed with cancer because of two reason one being consumption of meat excessively and second is negligent toward fitness. Thus, we witness many people nowadays suffering from obesity from a young age. To eradicate a sedentary lifestyle from people’s life government should spread awareness on the sugary, junk food’s ill effects, they should also levy huge taxes on these items which prohibit to exhibit of healthy ingredients in the product. In order to increase the fit meter of the country, the government could also invest in some recreational places in each block rather than constructing a new high rise mall. As these activity areas’ would be free of cost more and more people would utilize it. For example, Dubai was an obesity capital in the 2000s however once their government decided to build a lane for only runners known as “the walk” – it is a sponged based lane best for runners, and now people in that block are comparatively healthy than the previous decade. Therefore, with only adding taxes and recreational activity we would witness decreasing of the average weight. In Conclusion, some places in the world the standard weight of a person is increasing whereas the physical activity is diminishing, to sustain the healthy population this essay has suggested a solution of governmental intervention to the problems caused by overeating and no fitness motivation.
The normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
of human has
significantly
accelerated globally and population lacks the determination to maintain a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
body
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
. This essay will explore the causes which includes overeating and lack of physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
and would suggest solution including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
taxing Junk food and building more recreational places for public consumption.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
countries' standard body index
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
has been growing
drastically
while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
ratio has been poor. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the overconsumption of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food items which are high on fats and carbs, as they are pocket-friendly and has less preparation time.
In addition
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such basic as walking,
The verb 'preferring' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are preferring
a cab even if the distance is shorter. In the USA itself,
for instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are diagnosed
with cancer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of two reason one being consumption of meat
excessively
and second is negligent toward fitness.
Thus
, we witness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays suffering from obesity from a young age.

To eradicate a sedentary lifestyle from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should spread awareness on the sugary, junk food’s ill effects, they should
also
levy huge taxes on these items which prohibit to exhibit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
ingredients in the product. In order to increase the fit meter of the country, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
could
also
invest in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
recreational places in each block
rather
than constructing a new high rise mall. As these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
areas’ would be free of cost more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would utilize it.
For example
, Dubai was an obesity capital in the 2000s
however
once their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
decided to build a lane for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
runners known as “the walk”
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
it is a
Make sure that the adjective 'sponged' is correct. Possibly, it should be an adverb (typically ~ly) that modifies 'based'. Possibly, it should be the first word in a compound adjective (hyphenated adjective). Possibly, it is correct.
sponged based
lane best for runners, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in that block are
comparatively
Use "healthier" to make a comparison with this adjective.
healthy
than the previous decade.
Therefore
, with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
adding taxes and recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
we would witness decreasing of the average weight.

In Conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
places in the world the standard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
of a person is increasing whereas the physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
is diminishing, to sustain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
population this essay has suggested a solution of governmental intervention to the problems caused by overeating and no fitness motivation.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What are the causes of this problem and what are some solutions? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
351 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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