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in some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing

in some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing 0R5Q
Some nations seem to increasingly face obesity, while their overall public welfare is deteriorating. A host of reasons has given rise to this issue, and I am of the conviction that certain steps can be taken to mitigate this problem. Numerous factors have contributed to the increase in people's weight. Firstly, thanks to the advancement of technology, most of the human-led processes have been replaced with automated ones. This has prompted a higher level of convenience and promoted a sedentary lifestyle among citizens, consequently. Secondly, with families being exposed to the Western way of living, they have resorted to over-consumption of high-calorie convenience foods which ultimately culminates in plumpness, aggravated health conditions, and associated chronic diseases. On the other hand, by implementing various strategies, this subject matter can be addressed: firstly, the educational system can play a pivotal role in enforcing extracurricular schemes with their focus on advertising the advantages of physical sports, manual work, and other bodily activities to encourage and cultivate a more dynamic atmosphere within the academic environments. The future generations, therefore, will sustain an entirely different mentality towards the significance of their health status. Secondly, by means of incorporating a balanced healthy diet in their food regimen, families would form the habit of eating nutritious foods. By the virtue of this, a paradigm shift would be introduced into society to reap its associated benefits in the long run. In conclusion, for all the reasons mentioned above, I contend that even though several countries face serious repercussions of having overweight residents, viable solutions exist to improve the status quo.
Some
nations seem to
increasingly
face obesity, while their
overall
public welfare is deteriorating. A host of reasons has
given
rise to this issue, and I am of the conviction that certain steps can
be taken
to mitigate this problem.

Numerous factors have contributed to the increase in
people
's weight.
Firstly
, thanks to the advancement of technology, most of the human-led processes have
been replaced
with automated ones. This has prompted a higher level of convenience and promoted a sedentary lifestyle among citizens,
consequently
.
Secondly
, with families
being exposed
to the Western way of living, they have resorted to over-consumption of high-calorie convenience foods which
ultimately
culminates in plumpness, aggravated health conditions, and associated chronic diseases.

On the other hand
, by implementing various strategies, this
subject matter
can
be addressed
:
firstly
, the educational system can play a pivotal role in enforcing extracurricular schemes with their focus on advertising the advantages of physical sports, manual work, and other
bodily
activities to encourage and cultivate a more dynamic atmosphere within the academic environments. The future generations,
therefore
, will sustain an
entirely
different
mentality towards the significance of their health status.
Secondly
, by means of incorporating a balanced healthy diet in their food regimen, families would form the habit of eating nutritious foods. By the virtue of this, a paradigm shift would
be introduced
into society to reap its associated benefits in the long run.

In conclusion
, for all the reasons mentioned above, I contend that
even though
several countries face serious repercussions of having overweight residents, viable solutions exist to
improve
the status quo.
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IELTS essay in some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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