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In some countries the average weight of people are increasing and the level of health and fitness are decresing

In some countries the average weight of people are increasing and the level of health and fitness are decresing pbaOL
It is true that populations in some countries, particularly developed ones are increasingly overweight which has adverse effects on health. There are various reasons why people are exposing to heath priblems through obesity, but both government and citizens could certainly take steps to tackle this issue. One of the main reasons why this problem poses is that in the contemporary world most people tend to walk less and do desk jobs, which means that they sit only their on chair, working on documents or looking at computer. Another reason contributing to gaining excessive weight and leading to serious health issues is that many people nowadays rely on fast food, pre-prepared meals and junk food. Since these foods contain too much fat, salt and sugar, this can easily cause to obesity and other health disorders. Finally, children are addicted to watching television and playing video games rather than doing outdoor activities or helping to do houseworks. In order to address these problems, in my opinion, both government and population ought to go hand in hand. To keep fit, people who is especially doing white-color jobs should take a break and do some exercise so that both their brain and body can unwind. In fact, doctors advise exercising at least three times a week for 20 minutes. As regard intaking unhealthy foods, they should be banned from school menus by government as children tend to buy them. In spite of having busy timetable, parents also try to prepare nourishing meals and eat them with their children. Moreover, it is parents duty to discipline their children watching television and playing computer games' time and encourage them to do some menial tasks. Regarding the onus on the government in this regard, there should be more time for sports on school timetable. In conclusion, having sedentary lifestyle, unhealthy diet and being inactive in household chores are main considerations of deteriorated well-being. Resolving this depends on not only us but government.
It is true that populations in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries,
particularly
developed ones are
increasingly
overweight which has adverse effects on health. There are various reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are exposing to heath
Possible spelling mistake found.
priblems
through obesity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and citizens could
certainly
take steps to tackle this issue. One of the main reasons why this problem poses is that in the contemporary world most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to walk less and do desk jobs, which means that they sit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
their on chair, working on documents or looking at computer. Another reason contributing to gaining excessive weight and leading to serious health issues is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays rely on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-prepared
meals and junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. Since these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
contain too much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
, salt and sugar, this can
easily
cause to obesity and other health disorders.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are addicted
to watching television and playing video games
rather
than doing outdoor activities or helping to do
Possible spelling mistake found.
houseworks
. In order to address these problems, in my opinion, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and population ought to go hand in hand. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
fit,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
Did you mean "am", "are", "aren"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
is
especially
doing white-color jobs should take a break and do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exercise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that both their brain and body can unwind. In fact, doctors advise exercising at least three times a week for 20 minutes. As regard
Possible spelling mistake found.
intaking
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, they should
be banned
from school menus by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
having busy timetable, parents
also
try to prepare nourishing meals and eat them with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Moreover
, it is parents duty to discipline their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
watching television and playing computer games' time and encourage them to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
menial tasks. Regarding the onus on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
in this regard, there should be more time for sports on school timetable.
In conclusion
, having sedentary lifestyle, unhealthy diet and being inactive in household chores are main considerations of deteriorated well-being. Resolving this depends on not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
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IELTS essay In some countries the average weight of people are increasing and the level of health and fitness are decresing

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
325 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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