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In some countries, shopping is most popular form of leisure activity for young adults. Why is it. Is it negative and positive development?

In some countries, shopping is most popular form of leisure activity for young adults. Why is it. Is it negative and positive development? YAVn
Generally, young people like to do shopping in their spare time due to advancement. Nevertheless, I firmly believe that shopping is positive development due to many reasons. This essay will explicate about negative and positive impacts on society in upcoming paragraphs. On the one hand, opponents of shopping might argue that it is negative development. First of all, shopping is wastage of money and time and it also disattracted the to know about value of time. For example, in modern era, people can do online shopping which can save the time of people without going out side as well as it can help to save money due to online shopping also allocate many offers to their customer to save money. Additionally, it can also increase the price of product and demand which can impact on common people because poor can not afford high price. On the other hand, advocates of shopping believe that shopping can help to explore experience and place due to people can knowledge about the product. For example, people who used to of shopping and they have much knowledge about price and quality of product. Thus, it would reap good fruits. To add to more, it also give a chance to meet with new people and know about others choice which also help to make fashionable person. Hence, it would bear good fruits to fashion freak person. In compendium, although shopping have negeliable drawbacks but it has many positive impact on society.
Generally
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
in their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to advancement.
Nevertheless
, I
firmly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons. This essay will explicate about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts on society in upcoming paragraphs.

On the one hand, opponents of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
might argue that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is wastage of money and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and it
also
Possible spelling mistake found.
disattracted
the to know about value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For example
, in modern era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can do online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
which can save the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
without going
Did you mean "outside"?
out side
as well
as it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to save money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
also
allocate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
offers to their customer to save money.

Additionally
, it can
also
increase the price of product and demand which can impact on common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
poor can not afford high price.

On the other hand
, advocates of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to explore experience and place
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can knowledge about the product.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
shopping and
they have much knowledge about price and quality of product.
Thus
, it would reap
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
fruits.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
to more, it
also
Did you mean "gives"?
give
a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and know about others choice which
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
fashionable person.
Hence
, it would bear
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
fruits to fashion freak person.

In compendium, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
have
Possible spelling mistake found.
negeliable
drawbacks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on society.

IELTS essay In some countries, shopping is most popular form of leisure activity for young adults. Why is it. Is it negative and positive development?

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
245 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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