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Children are engaged in different kind of paid work. Many of people consider it inappropriate and many think it as a learning experience for taking responsibility? Give your opinions and views on this statement.

Children are engaged in different kind of paid work. Many of people consider it inappropriate and many think it as a learning experience for taking responsibility? Give your opinions and views on this statement. 1M2A
Today's teenagers are getting involved in work where they can start their earnings at an early stage of life. Though I agree with the thoughts that it provides professional experiences and helps the child to be independent and mature but it also has some drawbacks which can affect one's future badly. Part-time work and working on holidays are most preferred by the students as they can earn money to fulfill their interest. In this world of competition, one has to start learning and acquiring knowledge as soon as they get the opportunity. During a job helps them to explore the different professional sectors available in the market, the challenges they face, and also learned to identify the solution for it. Children can earn not only the money but the experiences which they can highlight in their resume while entering into the professional world. They develop various skills like computer software, machinery oriented, etc. which not only help them in future but also in their studying. as they might able to relate theory with the practical knowledge they gain during this job. Sometimes when youngsters start earning a good amount and able to fulfill their short-term desire, they get used to. They get stuck as their interest changed from acquiring knowledge to gaining money. So focus on education start decreasing which might leads not going college further. Students start enjoying their life with this earning and show less interest in education. Finally, students can get involved in some earning activities but under their parents guidance. Proper schedule for work and study to be planned, so that while working they wont get completely isolated with study. Children can work with som limitations and guidance so that they can use their job experiences and knowledge rather than ending up with no degrees.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are getting involved in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
where they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earnings
at an early stage of life. Though I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the thoughts that it provides professional experiences and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the child to be independent and mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks which can affect one's future
badly
.

Part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and working on holidays are most preferred by the students as they can earn money to fulfill their interest. In this world of competition, one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
learning and acquiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the opportunity. During a job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to explore the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
professional sectors available in the market, the challenges they face, and
also
learned to identify the solution for it. Children can earn not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the experiences which they can highlight in their resume while entering into the professional world. They develop various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
like computer software, machinery oriented, etc. which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in their studying.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
as
they
Did you mean "might be able"?
might able
to relate theory with the practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
they gain during this job.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
when youngsters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
amount and able to fulfill their short-term desire, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
stuck as their interest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
from acquiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
to gaining money.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
focus on education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
decreasing which might leads not going college
further
. Students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
enjoying their life with this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
less interest in education.

Finally
, students can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
under their parents guidance. Proper schedule for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and study to
be planned
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that while working they
Please make sure you mean 'wont' (a habit), not "won't"/"won’t" (short for 'will not')?
wont
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
completely isolated with study. Children can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with
Possible spelling mistake found.
som
limitations and guidance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their job experiences and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
rather
than ending up with no degrees.

IELTS essay Children are engaged in different kind of paid work. Many of people consider it inappropriate and many think it as a learning experience for taking responsibility? Give your opinions and views on this statement.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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