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In some countries, schools have added a foreign language in the curriculum of primary schools. Do the advantage outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

In some countries, schools have added a foreign language in the curriculum of primary schools. Do the advantage outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
We are living in a globalized world where a person sitting in India could be having a business conversation wit someone in New York or may be in China. The world has shrunk to 0s and 1s. Most schools therefore have now started offering a foreign language as a subject in primary schools. Learning a language always helps an individual to grow faster and sharper. According to a survey, a person who knows more than one knowledge is better at taking decisions and doing multi-tasking. A foreign language in primary school syllabus will surely help students to develop their minds better and grow into smart individuals. Even more, we often speak a language with a flair if we converse in it or have heard it over a period of time. Teaching a certain language right from the primary school can help students get a good grasp of it in the later years of life. However, we are living in a dynamic world and what seems important now may become obsolete later on. Therefore, deciding on the language to be taught can be a tough choice. For instance, if a child learns Mandarin when young only to realise that Hindi has now become the most important language could lead to shift of attitude towards learning a language. However, one cannot deny that a person who can learns a foreign language can learn another faster. Overall, being able to communicate orally and in written in a foreign language is troublesome for a child in primary school. However, no matter how slower a learner is, an additional language always gives the person an added advantage in later years of life.
We are living in a globalized world where a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
sitting in India could be having a business conversation wit someone in New York or may be in China. The world has shrunk to 0s and 1s. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
therefore
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
offering a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
as a subject in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
schools.

Learning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
an individual to grow faster and sharper. According to a survey, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
who knows more than one knowledge is better at taking decisions and doing multi-tasking. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
syllabus will
surely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
students to develop their minds better and grow into smart individuals.

Even more, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
speak a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
with a flair if we converse in it or have heard it over a period of time. Teaching a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
right from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grasp of it in the later years of life.

However
, we are living in a dynamic world and what seems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
may become obsolete later on.
Therefore
, deciding on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
to
be taught
can be a tough choice.
For instance
, if a child learns Mandarin when young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
that Hindi has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
become the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
could lead to shift of attitude towards learning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
However
, one cannot deny that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
who can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "learn"
learns
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
can learn another faster.

Overall
, being able to communicate
orally
and
Adverb repetition. Please, verify.
in written in
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is troublesome for a child in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
However
, no matter how slower a learner is, an additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
always gives the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
advantage in later years of life.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, schools have added a foreign language in the curriculum of primary schools. Do the advantage outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
277 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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