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In some countries, physical education is a compulsory subject for the leaving certificate. Some people suggest that this practice be abolished? Which view do you agree with? Explain your choice, using specific reasons and details.

In some countries, physical education is a compulsory subject for the leaving certificate. Some people suggest that this practice be abolished? Which view do you agree with? Explain your choice, using specific reasons and details. RVwQ8
It is irrefutable that education and health are inextricably linked and therefore in certain parts of the world PE has become a mandatory subject. Some people opine that this is a wrong approach and thus PE must have no role to play in obtaining the leaving certificate. However, this opinion is not straightforward and in the following paragraphs I shall give some arguments to support my point of view. Making PE a compulsary subect has several advantages. First of all, obesity has become an ever-increasing epidemic among school children. This is mainly because school canteens offer fast food and soft drinks which are known to be rich in saturated fat and sugar. This in turn has depressing effects on pupils and therefore keeping students physically active should be the number one priority of all schools. For this reason, PE has to be in the list of compulsory subjects and affect the overall score of the certificate so that school students will not be able to take the subject for granted. Moreover, this practice may have benefits on teenagers’ overall wellbeing as well. It is apparent that school students tend to lead lazy and inactive lifestyles as many of them overindulge in video games or social networking sites. Alas, it impacts not only their pysical but also their mental health. According to the research conducted by the US Healthcare Assosciation nearly 45 % of school students develop poor posture, spinal disorders such as scoliosis, kyphosis or lordosis. Furthermore, most of them suffer from high level of anxiety and distress. This is why encouraging psycial exercise among them will definitely have positive effects on their general health and productivity. Thus, the only way to encourage students to take sport classes seriously is to make the subject obligatory and conduct regular mid-term exams to assess their knowledge and level of fitness. In conclusion, despite the fact that PE has been considered to be an insignificant subject for quite many years, this approach has to be changed since the health of students suffer. The optimum solution is to treat the subect like other core disciplines such as math or science.
It is irrefutable that education and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
are
inextricably
linked and
therefore
in certain parts of the world PE has become a mandatory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
approach and
thus
PE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have no role to play in obtaining the leaving certificate.
However
, this opinion is not straightforward and in the following paragraphs I shall give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
arguments to support my point of view.

Making PE a
Possible spelling mistake found.
compulsary
Possible spelling mistake found.
subect
has several advantages.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, obesity has become an ever-increasing epidemic among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
children. This is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
canteens offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food and soft drinks which
are known
to be rich in saturated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and sugar. This in turn has depressing effects on pupils and
therefore
keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
physically
active should be the number one priority of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
For this reason
, PE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be in the list of compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
and affect the
overall
score of the certificate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will not be able to take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
for granted.

Moreover
, this practice may have benefits on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
’
overall
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
as well
. It is apparent that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
tend to lead lazy and inactive lifestyles as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them overindulge in video games or social networking sites. Alas, it impacts not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
their
Possible spelling mistake found.
pysical
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. According to the research conducted by the US Healthcare
Possible spelling mistake found.
Assosciation
nearly
45 % of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
develop poor posture, spinal disorders such as scoliosis,
Possible spelling mistake found.
kyphosis
or
Possible spelling mistake found.
lordosis
.
Furthermore
, most of them suffer from high level of anxiety and distress. This is why encouraging
Possible spelling mistake found.
psycial
exercise among them will definitely have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on their general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and productivity.
Thus
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to take sport classes
seriously
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
obligatory and conduct regular mid-term exams to assess their knowledge and level of fitness.

In conclusion
, despite the fact that PE has
been considered
to be an insignificant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
for quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years, this approach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
suffer. The optimum solution is to treat the
Possible spelling mistake found.
subect
like other core disciplines such as math or science.
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IELTS essay In some countries, physical education is a compulsory subject for the leaving certificate. Some people suggest that this practice be abolished? Which view do you agree with? Explain your choice, using specific reasons and details.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
356 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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