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Undoubtedly human personality create in the childhood. Hence it is vital that parents worry ab

Undoubtedly human personality create in the childhood. Hence it is vital that parents worry ab 7LPby
Undoubtedly human personality create in the childhood. Hence it is vital that parents worry about their offspring’s cultivation. a controversial question that has been aroused attention of society is whether children should video game is better that play with toy? In response to the question, opinions are various from one person to another one. However I thinks that playing with friend is better than first option. I will elaborate on my reasons in the following paragraphs. To begin with, playing with friends helps children to keep mental and physical health, it means that when playing. pressure of peers leads kids to be more active in game and to start running, jumping and etc. having abundant of physical activities is necessary to bum extra fats and boost different parts of their body and improve their immune system. To be more specific, this matter is extremely vital for children Because childhood is a sensitive stage of life where not only creates their personality but growth of their body parts are also intensively depend on how much to be active in the first years of people Tife. In this period, doing sports, allows them to consume more energy and increase their metabolism. On the contrary computer games encourage kids to play more and more in extent to reach next higher level of video games. Under this circumstance they spend a lot of time in front of TVs or screen for long term without physical movement that is extremely harmful for their wellbeing and it might lead to a serious disease such as obesity and optic problems. Besides after mentioned, personal and interpersonal development is a main reason why real games is better. In this kind of the games, childr en learn to have collective performance. In this process they learn how to share own toys with other mdiyiduals and how to ask other people, in addition they easily express their idea and respect friend’ ones. it is a dispensable fact that socializing is a necessary ability in modern era. Because of having competitive edge and making children more employable. While most of fiction games have criminal and immoral contents that Encourage children to behave aggressively Put in brief, playing game have a great role in children' future life. hence it better to select real game because it lead to cultivate interpersonal development and keeping physical and mental health
Undoubtedly
human personality create in the childhood.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
it is vital that parents worry about their offspring’s cultivation.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
a
controversial question that has
been aroused
attention of society is whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should video game is better that play with toy? In response to the question, opinions are various from one person to another one.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
I
The pronoun 'I' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "think"
thinks
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
with friend is better than
first
option. I will elaborate on my reasons in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
with friends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
mental and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
health, it means that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
pressure
of peers leads kids to be more active in game and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
running, jumping
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
. having abundant of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities is necessary to bum extra fats and boost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of their body and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their immune system. To be more specific, this matter is
extremely
vital for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
childhood is a sensitive stage of life where not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
creates their
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
personality


This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
growth of their body parts are
also
intensively
depend on how much to be active

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
the
first
years of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tife
. In this period, doing sports,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
consume


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
more
energy and increase their metabolism.
On the contrary
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
encourage kids to play more and more in extent to reach
next
higher level of video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. Under this circumstance they spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time in front of TVs or screen for long term without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
movement
that is
extremely
harmful for their
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
and it might lead to a serious disease such as obesity and optic problems.

Besides
after mentioned, personal and interpersonal development is a main reason why real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is better. In this kind of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
childr en
learn to have collective performance. In this process they learn how to share
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
toys with other
Possible spelling mistake found.
mdiyiduals
and how to ask other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
in addition
they
easily
express their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and respect friend’ ones.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
is a dispensable fact that socializing is a necessary ability in modern era.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of having competitive edge and making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more employable. While
Consider using "most fiction" or "most of the fiction".
most of fiction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have criminal and immoral contents that Encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to behave
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
aggressively


Put
in brief
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
game have a great role in children' future life.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
hence
it
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
better


to select real game
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
Did you mean "leads"?
lead
to cultivate interpersonal development and keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
and mental health
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IELTS essay Undoubtedly human personality create in the childhood. Hence it is vital that parents worry ab

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
394 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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