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In some countries, owning a house rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

In some countries, owning a house rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation? PDJB
It is sometimes stated that possessing accommodation is more predominant as opposed to hiring one. There are numerous circumstances which can lead to this consequence, and from my perspective, this is a virtuous occurrence. On the one hand, of various consequences of owning a house, one is that individual can gain a sense of stability. This is because unlike hiring accommodation, possessing one may not require to leave the house when people get in financially trouble. If they rented a home, they would move to another one due to financial constraints. Evidently, in order to deterring any precarious situations by residing in a permanent house, people would prefer to live by the way of acquiring personal accommodation. On the other hand, people are residing their personal house can be given self-independence in reconstructing their house which would be positive circumstance. This is mainly because individual can have a good opportunity to decorate or make their house to look good, whereas this process can be virtually impossible for people who are resident of temporary house. To illustrate this, in Bangladesh, people will not be able to alter a house`s construction which is not belonging to them, unless they own this accommodation, due to the law of personal property. As a result, people can be more independent, in turn, they are able to construct buildings, as well as, decorate them. To sum up, possessing a living establishment can be more crucial in comparison with hiring one, and this is caused by sense of stability, whereas this phenomena would lead to positive circumstance, in turn, evoking self-independence.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
stated that possessing accommodation is more predominant as opposed to hiring one. There are numerous circumstances which can lead to this consequence, and from my perspective, this is a virtuous occurrence.

On the one hand, of various consequences of owning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
, one is that individual can gain a sense of stability. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
unlike hiring accommodation, possessing one may not require to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in
financially
trouble. If they rented a home, they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to another one due to financial constraints.
Evidently
, in order to
Did you mean "deter"?
deterring
any precarious situations by residing in a permanent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
by the way of acquiring personal accommodation.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are residing their personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
self-independence in reconstructing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
which would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
circumstance. This is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
individual can have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
opportunity to decorate or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
to look
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
, whereas this process can be
virtually
impossible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are resident of temporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
. To illustrate this, in Bangladesh,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not be able to alter a
The character between 'house' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "house’s" (curly apostrophe) or "house's" (straight apostrophe).
house`s
construction which
The verb 'belonging' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is not belonging
to them, unless they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
this accommodation, due to the law of personal property.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be more independent, in turn, they are able to construct buildings,
as well
as, decorate them.

To sum up, possessing a living establishment can be more crucial
in comparison
with hiring one, and this
is caused
by sense of stability, whereas
Did you mean "these"?
this
phenomena would lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
circumstance, in turn, evoking self-independence.
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IELTS essay In some countries, owning a house rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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