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In some countries, only few young people go to classical music concerts or or play classical music. Why? Should young people be encouraged to attend and learn more?

Now-a-days younger people are not interested to go outside concerts or music festivals. Some of the countries where less younger attend compare to others in classical music fest which is alarming. They are staying home and hear music in online which is not a good sign. I think younger peoples need to attend in outdoor concerts or festival. Music makes our mind fresh, active and charm our body. When people fill bored or in stress some of them are like to hear music. Young people always like to hear music or sing a song. In recent years in every country music festival held. Many people going there to enjoy the magnificent sounds or the tune of guitar. But I saw that younger people not going there, though there are most attractive band groups came. Younger like rock music rather than classical music. They must have to attend the concert or fock festival which made their mind broader feel charming and able to made new friends. In the festival they can also learn different countries culture through the signing of local and international bands. Last year 2019 in Finland Mega Rock Music Fest held and many young people went there. Which is really a good sign for them. Parents are worried about their children when they didn't go outside. Safety is another things that parents are going to think about the children when going outside. I think music festival concerts can give a better chance to make new friends, learning new culture, society & about the music industry. Govt. should also take proper steps to encourage people to participate in music fest rather staying at home. Last but not the least, I can say that younger people have to attend the classical music fest or concerts and have to make them as their own culture.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
-a-days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
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people
are not interested to go outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concerts
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
.
If the text is a generality, ‘of the’ is not necessary.
Some of the
countries where less
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younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attend
compare to others in classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
fest which is alarming. They are staying home and hear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in online which is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possibly confused word: Did you mean “sing” (= to produce musical or harmonious sounds with one’s voice) instead of ‘sign’ (= to write one’s signature)?
sign
. I
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think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attend
in outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concerts
or festival.

Music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our mind fresh, active and charm our body. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
fill bored or in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them are like to hear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. Young
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people
always like to hear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
or sing a song. In recent years in every country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
held.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
going there to enjoy the magnificent sounds or the tune of guitar.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not going there, though there are
Did you mean “the most”?
most
attractive band groups came.

Younger like rock
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
rather
than classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
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attend
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concert
or
Possible spelling mistake found.
fock
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festival
which made their mind broader feel charming and able to made new friends. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
they can
also
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries culture through the signing of local and international bands. Last year 2019 in Finland Mega Rock
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
Fest held and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
went there. Which is
really
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
for them. Parents
are worried
about their children when they didn't go outside. Safety is another things that parents are going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the children when going outside.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concerts
can give a better chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new friends, learning new culture, society & about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
industry. Govt. should
also
take proper steps to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
fest
rather
staying at home.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least, I can say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attend
the classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
fest or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concerts
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them as their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
culture.
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IELTS essay In some countries, only few young people go to classical music concerts or or play classical music. Why? Should young people be encouraged to attend and learn more?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
304 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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