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In some countries l,teenager have jobs while they are still students. Some people think it is a brilliant idea and brings a lot of benefits to you students others however, deny

In some countries l, teenager have jobs while they are still students. Some people think it is a brilliant idea and brings a lot of benefits to you students others however, deny lLRjX
It is undeniable that nowadays many first world countries youngster are realted to various kinds of jobs while they are still students. It partly due to higher facilities and due to becouse of modern education systems. But it has both merit and demerit and in this essay will be discussed both side. It is true that having a job in a teenager age brings neumerous benifit for students. First of all, they will be able to use their valuable time in proper way, also it will be helpfull for students in their future work place. For example, every companies are find exprience and smart worker. So if they gather knowledge as well as experience from here, it will be mejor cause for getting well paid jobs easily. Secondly, from Their students life they can contribute their own self by their earning. Thirdly when they mixed various kinds of people they can learn many thing from them which will be beneficial. On the other hand, it can not be ignored that, doing job in teenager age has drawback also. Firstly, it consume their time becouse it is high time for them to make an efforts in their study. Therefore can not concentrate their lesson properly. For instance, a survey found that students who are involved jobs in their studying periods, they were not successful in their professional life. Becouse their both side concerns. In conclusion, there are lot of disadvantage of doing work in student life, I would argued that advantage is outweigh the disadvantage. However, I strongly believe that, it would be better to connect with a job as well as studies.
It is undeniable that nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
first
world
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "countries'" or "country's"?
countries
youngster are
Possible spelling mistake found.
realted
to various kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
while they are
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
It seems that a verb is missing.
It
partly due to higher facilities and due to
Possible spelling mistake found.
becouse
of modern education systems.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it has both merit and demerit and in this essay will
be discussed
both side. It is true that having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
age brings
Possible spelling mistake found.
neumerous
Possible spelling mistake found.
benifit
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, they will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their valuable time in proper way,
also
it will be
Possible spelling mistake found.
helpfull
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in their future work place.
For example
, every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "company"?
companies
are find
Possible spelling mistake found.
exprience
and smart worker.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
if they gather knowledge
as well
as experience from here, it will be
Possible spelling mistake found.
mejor
cause for getting well paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
easily
.
Secondly
, from Their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
life they can contribute their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
self by their earning.
Thirdly
when they mixed various kinds of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
they can learn
Possible agreement error. The noun thing seems to be countable; consider using: "many things".
many thing
from them which will be beneficial.
On the other hand
, it can not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
that, doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
age has drawback
also
.
Firstly
, it
Did you mean "consumes"?
consume
their time
Possible spelling mistake found.
becouse
it is high time for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "an effort" or simply "efforts"?
an efforts
in their study.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
can not concentrate their lesson
properly
.
For instance
, a survey found that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
are involved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in their studying periods, they were not successful in their professional life.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Becouse
their both side concerns.
In conclusion
, there are
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
disadvantage of doing work in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
life, I would
The verb 'would' requires the base form of the verb: "argue"
argued
that advantage is outweigh the disadvantage.
However
, I
strongly
believe that, it would be better to connect with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as well
as studies.
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IELTS essay In some countries l, teenager have jobs while they are still students. Some people think it is a brilliant idea and brings a lot of benefits to you students others however, deny

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
272 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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