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In some countries, it is illegal to reject someone applying for a job because of his or her age. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v.2

In some countries, it is illegal to reject someone applying for a job because of his or her age. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 2
All countries have legislation regarding jobs. Some countries are strict and have a specific age range for a particular job, while others are lenient and have no restriction. It is against the law to refuse anyone who has applied for a post because of his or her age. In my opinion, such progress is mostly favourable for society, however, it also has some drawbacks. Age is considered as just a number by the majority of people. It does not define whether the person is suitable for a job or not, but the skills, education and previous experience related to the work must be considered as the topmost priorities. For example, A driver gets better with time as he gets more practice, therefore, if you require a skilled person to drive your car age must be removed from the eligibility criteria. Moreover, eliminating age as a condition also creates equal job options for both the young and older. Whereas such law has mostly positive effects, it also has some negative aspects. People tend to lose the physical capability to perform tasks with time and can prove to be harmful to the job. For instance, outdoor labour needs to be fit and healthy to carry out the activity, therefore, a young person is more suitable for the job. Furthermore, if there are no age restrictions for a certain position, there might be no post left for fresh graduates. Take doctors as an example, they get proficient with time, however, if we let other people take the spot, a young doctor might get no opportunity to work. To conclude, it is unlawful to decline anybody from a job because of his or her age. I believe that declining someone from a job application because of his or her age should not be a usual practice, however, certain professions require more young people to work and therefore age should be considered as one of the requirements.
All countries have legislation regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
countries are strict and have a specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
range for a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, while others are lenient and have no restriction. It is against the law to refuse anyone who has applied for a post
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. In my opinion, such progress is
mostly
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
for society,
however
, it
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks.

Age
is considered
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a number by the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It does not define whether the person is suitable for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
or not,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, education and previous experience related to the work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be considered
as the topmost priorities.
For example
, A driver
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gets
better with time as he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gets
more practice,
therefore
, if you require a skilled person to drive your car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be removed
from the eligibility criteria.
Moreover
, eliminating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
as a condition
also
creates equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
options for both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
and older.

Whereas such law has
mostly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects, it
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
tend to lose the physical capability to perform tasks with time and can prove to be harmful to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
For instance
, outdoor
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
needs to
be fit
and healthy to carry out the activity,
therefore
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
person is more suitable for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Furthermore
, if there are no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
restrictions for a certain position, there might be no post
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
for fresh graduates. Take doctors as an example, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
get
proficient with time,
however
, if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take the spot, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
doctor might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
get
no opportunity to work.

To conclude
, it is unlawful to decline anybody from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. I believe that declining someone from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
application
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
should not be a usual practice,
however
, certain professions require more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to work and
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
should
be considered
as one of the requirements.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, it is illegal to reject someone applying for a job because of his or her age. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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