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In some countries it is illegal employers to reject job appications on the basis of age criteria. it a positive or negative development. v.1

In some countries it is illegal employers to reject job appications on the basis of age criteria. it a positive or negative development. v. 1
Nowadays, watching T. V is becoming increasingly popular. While some people think that television can be used as Educational tool, others say that it is an ineffective way. This essay will discuss why T. V is beneficial for studying, as a way of knowledge despite of wasting time. Furthermore, it will elaborate my opinion, that the benefits exceed the adverse effects. As it is obvious, small screen is a way of knowledge. Everyone can know more about other Culture. As well as, watching the wildlife programs teaches people a lot about the fauna. Not only adults learn from screen, but also children, because they can watch mathematical cartoon which gives them plenty of information. For instance, the last Harvard university research has concluded that digital screen is the way of literacy. Using television, however, is not a good tool for Education. It is a waste of time and getting incorrect knowledge. Although watch T. V can be used as an Educational method, it can lead to losing the time, as people spend most of their day in front of it. Moreover, watching the wrong program gives people misinformation. In fact, if people over use T. V, it will be useless. Therefore, overusing the television is not an effective way for Education. In conclusion, whether or not T. V usages are becoming a doubtful issue. Although some people think that T. V can be used for getting useful information, others say that it is an ineffective way. From my point of view, studying music enriches human's soul, despite of the drawbacks of wasting time. As well as, the advantages of watching it overweigh the disadvantages.
Nowadays, watching T. V is becoming
increasingly
popular. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that television can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as Educational tool, others say that it is an ineffective way. This essay will discuss why T. V is beneficial for studying, as a way of knowledge
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
wasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Furthermore
, it will elaborate my opinion, that the benefits exceed the adverse effects.

As it is obvious,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
screen is a way of knowledge. Everyone can know more about other Culture.
As well
as, watching the wildlife programs teaches
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
a lot about the fauna. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
adults learn from screen,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
children,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
mathematical cartoon which gives them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of information.
For instance
, the last
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Harvard university
research has concluded that digital screen is the way of literacy.

Using television,
however
, is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
tool for Education. It is a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and getting incorrect knowledge. Although
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
T. V can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as an Educational method, it can lead to losing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend most of their day in front of it.
Moreover
, watching the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
program gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
misinformation. In fact, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
over
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
T. V, it will be useless.
Therefore
, overusing the television is not an effective way for Education.

In conclusion
,
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
T. V usages are becoming a doubtful issue. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that T. V can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for getting useful information, others say that it is an ineffective way. From my point of view, studying music enriches human's soul,
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
the drawbacks of wasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
As well
as, the advantages of watching it
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweigh
the disadvantages.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries it is illegal employers to reject job appications on the basis of age criteria. it a positive or negative development. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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