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In some countries, fastfood restaurant and supermarket give money to school to promote their products. do you think this is a positive development or negatively development? v.1

In some countries, fastfood restaurant and supermarket give money to school to promote their products. do you think this is a positive development or negatively development? v. 1
Now a day advertisement is a source with the help of this people can explore their business in this global market. In some contries fastfood Restaurant and supermarket give money to school to promot their products. As per my view of point negative development is more than positive. If, i am talking about positive development then with the help of this school can expand their education level, school management provide education to more an more children and also provide better service to them. Like, better classroom, educational material etc. Another one, school provide high standard salary to faculty. With the help of this increase the moral of the faculty and get satisfaction. the school must be use this fund in such activities like sports, health, economy etc. In this children get scope to improve their ability. For instance, school management arrange sports dat some time such helthcamp. However, negative development more affect to the children's. fast food items very harmfull for the children and school promote their products then they also attrect with this and demand from the perents but if perents should not allow then it's create negative impect for perents in children's mond. In this children do some antisocial activities like theft or some crime. Such type of things like mobile, bike or such gadget. this all create negative development on children's education as well as their life. Now a day children's most connect with the social media and get down score in education. In conclusion, there are so many source for the promotion of products but promotion with the help of the school is not a right way. So as per my point of view it's play negative role in children's life so they must be apply some other source of the promotion.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
a day advertisement is a source with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can explore their business in this global market. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
contries
Possible spelling mistake found.
fastfood
Restaurant and supermarket give money to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
promot
their products.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
per my view of point
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
is more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
.

If,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
am talking about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
then with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
can expand their education level,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
management provide education to more
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
also
provide better service to them. Like, better classroom, educational material etc. Another one,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
provide high standard salary to faculty. With the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of this increase the moral of the faculty and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
satisfaction.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this fund in such activities like sports, health, economy etc. In
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
scope to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their ability.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
management arrange sports
Did you mean "that" or "date"?
dat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time such
Possible spelling mistake found.
helthcamp
.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
more affect to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
fast
food items
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Possible spelling mistake found.
harmfull
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
promote their products then they
also
Possible spelling mistake found.
attrect
with this and demand from the
Possible spelling mistake found.
perents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if
Possible spelling mistake found.
perents
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
then it's
The word 'create' is a verb. Did you mean the noun "creation"?
create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
Possible spelling mistake found.
impect
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
perents
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
Possible spelling mistake found.
mond
. In
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
antisocial activities like theft or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
crime. Such type of things like mobile, bike or such gadget.
The verb 'create' is plural. Did you mean: "this all creates"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
this all create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
education
as well
as their life.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
a day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
most connect with the social media and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
down score in education.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Possible agreement error. The noun source seems to be countable; consider using: "many sources".
many source
for the promotion of products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
promotion with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is not a right way.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
as per my point of view it's play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
Consider using the past participle "applied"?
apply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other source of the promotion.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay In some countries, fastfood restaurant and supermarket give money to school to promote their products. do you think this is a positive development or negatively development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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