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In some countries, children under 16 can not work and leave school by law..is this a good thing or bad

In some countries, children under 16 can not work and leave school by law. . is this a good thing or bad MMqYa
In some parts of world, adolescents are not permitted by law to take up full time employment and leave studies. But does this trend has pernicious effects on children or it is beneficial? While it is a contentious debate, I believe it is a good practice that teenagers are not allowed to bid goodbye to school and start earning money at this tender age. My opinion is based on reasons such as undue stress caused by job at an early age can lead to debilitating physical as well as mental condition, and can also expose a child to the nefarious elements of society. In this essay, causes mentioned above will be discussed with supporting examples. To begin with, since financially independent youngsters enjoy relatively more freedom and autonomy in their decisions, their callow nature can lead them to befriend corrupt elements of society and lean towards a criminal path. As a result, not only they stand at an increased risk to incriminate themselves but also ruin their future. For instance, a research done by Karachi University revealed that out of school children who are working are more likable to adapt company of offenders. Indeed, if working and dropping out of school under sixteen is outlawed then it will hamper the juveniles from committing crimes. Moreover, it is observed that out of school children are more prone to stress which can cause emaciating mental and physical condition. To be specific, because youngsters enrolled in school have more opportunities to play and have good time with their age fellows, it makes them less prone to suffer from psychological and other physical disorders. Hence, making it mandatory for children to attend school has immense benefits as it helps in venting out of negative energies which are responsible for many maladies. In conclusion, authorities in many countries should be given tumultuous applause for making it essential for teenagers to attend school and barring them from taking up employment. Steps like this help in saving millions of children from falling into hands of hardened criminals as well as acts like a barrier protecting them from numerous diseases.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts of world, adolescents are not permitted by law to take up full time employment and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
studies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
does this trend
Did you mean "have"?
has
pernicious effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
or it is beneficial? While it is a contentious debate, I believe it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
practice that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to bid goodbye to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
earning money at this tender age. My opinion
is based
on reasons such as undue
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
caused by job at an early age can lead to debilitating physical
as well
as mental condition, and can
also
expose a child to the nefarious elements of society. In this essay, causes mentioned above will
be discussed
with supporting examples.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, since
financially
independent youngsters enjoy
relatively
more freedom and autonomy in their decisions, their callow nature can lead them to befriend corrupt elements of society and lean towards a criminal path.
As a result
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they stand at an increased
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
to incriminate themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
ruin their future.
For instance
, a research done by Karachi University revealed that out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are working are more likable to adapt
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
of offenders.
Indeed
, if working and dropping out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
under sixteen
is outlawed
then it will hamper the juveniles from committing crimes.

Moreover
, it
is observed
that out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more prone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
which can cause emaciating mental and physical condition. To be specific,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
youngsters enrolled in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
have more opportunities to play and have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
time with their age fellows, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them less prone to suffer from psychological and other physical disorders.
Hence
, making it mandatory for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
has immense benefits as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in venting out of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
energies which are responsible for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
maladies.

In conclusion
, authorities in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
tumultuous applause for making it essential for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and barring them from taking up employment. Steps like this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in saving millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from falling into hands of hardened criminals
as well
as acts like a barrier protecting them from numerous diseases.
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IELTS essay In some countries, children under 16 can not work and leave school by law. . is this a good thing or bad

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
352 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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