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In some countries, children under 16 are not allowed to leave school by law and get full-time work. Is this a good or bad thing? v.3

In some countries, children under 16 are not allowed to leave school by law and get full-time work. Is this a good or bad thing? v. 3
In some nations, school-age kids should get compulsory schooling by regulation and cannot take up any regular job. In my opinion, this is a good thing every child should have access to basic education, which can immensely contribute to their confidence and attitudes. Today, providing school education is one of the fundamental act of some countries and not allowing them to work is also taking out lot of physical and mental stress at a younger age. In a competitive world all kids irrespective of their background should have access to basic things in life. For example, in Finland till the age of secondary school. The government takes care of their studies which is provided free of cost. Moreover, in a recent study done by the world body, published that around 75% of this child get academic degree. However, there may be instances where one has to pick up some kind of job at such a young age, will have detrimental consequences for them. To take up any one job has to have certain maturity and physical attributes, but children would lack such parameters due to their fragile physical nature. By enacting law of the land, such hiring would not be possible and will benefit the nation. To illustrate, the times paper, had a story of china employing underage adolescent in factories under unhygienic conditions, which is taking a toll on their health. Such things take place due to not having proper laws. In conclusion, it is better every government offers free education to children till certain age and make the proper law against child labour. Even if some child has to work, due to law institution can take proper care of such kids.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations, school-age kids should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
compulsory schooling by regulation and cannot take up any regular job. In my opinion, this is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
should have access to basic education, which can
immensely
contribute to their confidence and attitudes.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, providing school education is one of the fundamental act of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries and not allowing them to work is
also
taking out
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
physical and mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
at a younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. In a competitive world all kids irrespective of their background should have access to basic things in life.
For example
, in Finland till the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of secondary school. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
takes care of their studies which
is provided
free of cost.
Moreover
, in a recent study done by the world body, published that around 75% of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
academic degree.

However
, there may be instances where one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
pick up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of job at such a young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, will have detrimental consequences for them. To take up any one job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
have certain maturity and physical attributes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
children would lack such parameters due to their fragile physical nature. By enacting law of the land, such hiring would not be possible and will benefit the nation. To illustrate, the times paper, had a story of china employing underage adolescent in factories under unhygienic conditions, which is taking a toll on their health. Such things take place due to not having proper laws.

In conclusion
, it is better every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
offers free education to children till certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the proper law against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
. Even if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
work, due to law institution can take proper care of such kids.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay In some countries, children under 16 are not allowed to leave school by law and get full-time work. Is this a good or bad thing? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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