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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of the young aldults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantage v.1

Nowadays, countries’ populations may have a larger group of adolescents when compared to the number of older people. From this scenario, it gives off many benefits in terms of working efficiency and performance while causing some impacts on these young adults from having less older people. Both views will then be discussed further on in this essay. By having more young adults, work efficiency can be increased together with the growth for the country as young adults tend to be more lively and have higher energy levels than older people, making them able to contribute to society more than older people. This does not mean that older people have non contribution, but the probability of them contributing to the same level as young adults is lower. Also, adolescents are less prone to frequently found diseases related with being older, so they will be able to endure more workload and responsibilities without having much to worry about these issues. Moreover, adolescents tend to think out of the box more often and show their creativity, making things or work become more unique in a non-traditional way and would open up new paths for careers, opportunities and such. Although it seems that the scenario causes many benefits, there are also impacts from having less older people. As older people are far more experienced, they are more likely to decide something better than young adults would as they see how the world is and the effects of each decision in each situation. They also know how to deal with unexpected situations and some conflicts as they might have faced these situations before. Moreover, older people can give tips and suggestions that sometimes are too risky for adolescents to do to gain that tip or learn as a lesson from their own mistakes. In conclusion, having more adolescents can drive the society more but older people can also be a part of the drive as they hold experiences that can be used as a statistic or history or even a lesson for the young adults.
Nowadays, countries’ populations may have a larger group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adolescents
when compared to the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. From this scenario, it gives off
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits in terms of working efficiency and performance while causing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
impacts on these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Both views will then
be discussed
further
on in this essay.

By
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
, work efficiency can
be increased
together with the growth for the country as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
tend to be more lively and have higher energy levels than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, making them able to contribute to society more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This does not mean that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have non contribution,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the probability of them contributing to the same level as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
is lower.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adolescents
are less prone to
frequently
found diseases related with being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will be able to endure more workload and responsibilities without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
much to worry about these issues.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adolescents
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
out of the box more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their creativity, making things or work become more unique in a non-traditional way and would open up new paths for careers, opportunities and such.

Although it seems that the scenario causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits, there are
also
impacts from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are far more experienced, they are more likely to decide something better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
would as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
how the world is and the effects of each decision in each situation. They
also
know how to deal with unexpected situations and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
conflicts as they might have faced these situations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can give tips and suggestions that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
are too risky for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adolescents
to do to gain that tip or learn as a lesson from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
mistakes.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adolescents
can drive the society
Use a comma before ‘but’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
also
be a part of the drive as they hold experiences that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as a statistic or history or even a lesson for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
.
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IELTS essay At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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