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In some countries children have very strict rules of behavior, in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they like. To what extent should children have to follow rules?

In the present age, rules of behaviors of children play an increasingly important role in children’s future. Parents are curious about that whether the behavior rules be restricted or it should be flexible. In one hand, in the developed countries, they propose easier rules to kids and on the other hands, in the developing countries they set a severe restricted rules. Some people argue that more restricted rules not only leads to kids identify their red lines, but also their character can be formed appropriately. Moreover doctors suggest that parents monitor their child’s behaviors and not allowing them to train themselves lonely. From my point of view, every human need a rules and law as a result of their innate. Specifically, children may not realize untrue direction. However others believe that more and more restriction act like poison for everyone. Additionally, human breed free and everyone will prefer to live free too. Firstly, it will be clear that children can improve their creativity by lawlessness. Secondly, children can be responsible for their action because of detecting their personality. To summarize, although tighten restriction will be practical on children training, but make a more restriction, can inhibit them to find out about their characters which is reflected in their future problems.
In the present age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
of behaviors of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
play an
increasingly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
future. Parents are curious about that whether the behavior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
be
Use a comma before ‘or’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
restricted or
it should be flexible. In one hand, in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
, they propose easier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
to kids and on the other hands, in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
they set a severe restricted
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that more restricted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
leads to kids identify their red lines,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their character can
be formed
appropriately
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
doctors suggest that parents monitor their child’s behaviors and not allowing them to train themselves lonely. From my point of view, every human need a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
and law
as a result
of their innate.
Specifically
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may not realize untrue direction.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
others believe that more and more restriction act like poison for everyone.
Additionally
, human breed free and everyone will prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
free too.
Firstly
, it will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their creativity by lawlessness.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can be responsible for their action
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of detecting their personality.

To summarize
, although tighten restriction will be practical on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
training,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a more restriction, can inhibit them to find out about their characters which
is reflected
in their future problems.
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IELTS essay In some countries children have very strict rules of behavior, in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they like.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
210 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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