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In some countries, children are expected to study more and more time both in and after school. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this trend. v.1

In some countries, children are expected to study more and more time both in and after school. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this trend. v. 1
Due to the advancement and innovation of modern technology nowadays everything could be possible. Tracking or monitoring an individual with the use of the gadgets is one of the heated debates that many people disagree with this notion, while other commenters, believe that that advantage outweigh the disadvantages. The writer agrees to this matter and as long as for legal and for security purposes. To start with, it is undeniable that modern technology is considered indispensable in our daily life and it has a huge impact in the life of the people. With the use of this contemporary invention, it is possible to track or to monitor the people for security reason and for legal purposes too. The company that's responsible and have access for tracking is well aware of the detrimental impact that can cause to the people once they open to the public, thereby, they are taking care of it and took full responsibility for keeping it private not unless requested for the legal action. For instance, the police are investigating a one crime and the only way to curb the problem is to resort to the conversation in the mobile phones of the involve person. Before all these actions the authority applied for the approval of the judge. As a result, there are many cases solve for the past few years with the aid of modern technology. Furthermore, people now are living in the modern era wherein they are aware that they it is possible they can be monitored with the use of a gadget such as mobile phone and surveillance camera. Although, it can affect the private life of the people by invading their privacy. To sum up, I believe that there are some disadvantages that involve in this issue that needs to be addressed, I opine that people should be more vigilant and aware what they are doing, however I still believe that that merit outweigh the demerit as long as for security, legal actions, and with the proper permission before the authorities will dispute the information’s.
Due to the advancement and innovation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
technology nowadays everything could be possible. Tracking or monitoring an individual with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the gadgets is one of the heated debates that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
disagree with this notion, while other
Possible spelling mistake found.
commenters
, believe that that advantage outweigh the disadvantages. The writer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
to this matter and as long as for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
legal
and for security purposes.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
technology
is considered
indispensable in our daily life and it has a huge impact in the life of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of this contemporary invention, it is possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
or to monitor the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for security reason and for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
legal
purposes too. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
that's responsible and have access for tracking is well aware of the detrimental impact that can cause to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
once they open to the public, thereby, they are taking care of it and took full responsibility for keeping it private not unless requested for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
legal
action.
For instance
, the police are investigating a one crime and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to curb the problem is to resort to the conversation in the mobile phones of
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'involve' is correct. If 'involve' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the involve
person.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
all these actions the authority applied for the approval of the judge.
As a result
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases solve for the past few years with the aid of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
technology.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
are living in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
era wherein they are aware that they it is possible they can
be monitored
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of a gadget such as mobile phone and surveillance camera.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, it can affect the private life of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by invading their privacy.

To sum up, I believe that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages that involve in this issue that needs to
be addressed
, I opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be more vigilant and aware what they are doing,
however
I
still
believe that that merit outweigh the demerit as long as for security,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
legal
actions, and with the proper permission
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the authorities will dispute the information’s.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay In some countries, children are expected to study more and more time both in and after school. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this trend. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
342 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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