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TOEFL SPEAKING TASK 5: THE MAN WANTS TO GO TO A CONCERT BUT HE HAS A HISTORY PAPER TO WRITE v.1

TOEFL SPEAKING TASK 5: THE MAN WANTS TO GO TO A CONCERT BUT HE HAS A HISTORY PAPER TO WRITE v. 1
Nowadays, it is commonly seen that many people wear the same type of clothes irrespective of their tradition and culture as they used to dress up earlier days. In my opinion, it is a positive development as such as trends can reduce the gap in cultural diversity and also help to decrease the level of discrimination. Following the pattern of similar dresses has a positive impact in many number of ways. Firstly, it helps people to equalise each other in terms of the clothes they wear. In other words, wearing similar types of dresses can make people more adaptable to the diverse world as everyone is following the same trend. Moreover, it makes them more confident as they can see that all are following the same fashion across the globe. For example, if a woman wears a saree in western countries in her office, it can be considered as odd among other colleagues, which eventually reduces her confidence in the workplace. Another point is that it helps to reduce the bias level to a certain extent. Presently there are a number of incidents, where clothes, such difference can be avoided if all wear the same types of clothes around the world and it ultimately lower down the discrimination level. Furthermore, It will not only give more emphasis on equality, but also reduces the hatred among the people of different different countries as they look similar in terms of their dress. To sum up, wearing similar types of clothes has many advantages such as it makes people more diverse and also reduces the point of bias among the individuals of different nations and I feel that it is a positive development.
Nowadays, it is
commonly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
irrespective of their tradition and culture as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to dress up earlier days. In my opinion, it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development as such as trends can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
the gap in cultural diversity and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to decrease the level of discrimination.

Following the pattern of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
similar
dresses has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact in
Possible agreement error. The noun number seems to be countable; consider using: "many numbers".
many number
of ways.
Firstly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'equalise' is British English.
equalise
each other in terms of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
.
In other words
, wearing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
types
of dresses can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more adaptable to the diverse world as everyone is following the same trend.
Moreover
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them more confident as they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that all are following the same fashion across the globe.
For example
, if a woman
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wears
a saree in western countries in her office, it can
be considered
as odd among other colleagues, which
eventually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduces
her confidence in the workplace.

Another point is that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
the bias level to a certain extent.
Presently
there are a number of incidents, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
, such difference can
be avoided
if all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
types
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
around the world and
It seems that a verb is missing.
it
ultimately
lower down the discrimination level.
Furthermore
, It will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
give more emphasis on equality,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduces
the hatred among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries as they look
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
similar
in terms of their dress.

To sum up, wearing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
types
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages such as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more diverse and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduces
the point of bias among the individuals of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations and I feel that it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay TOEFL SPEAKING TASK 5: THE MAN WANTS TO GO TO A CONCERT BUT HE HAS A HISTORY PAPER TO WRITE v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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