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In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. v.28

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. v. 28
These days a lot of people got health issues in different countries because of eating and drinking too much fast food. So, some people think that it is up to the person and how he or she carry their health. While others believe that governments is responsible in this case and they should put more tax on the unhealthy food. This essay will discuss both side and draw my personal conclusion. In on hand, impose a higher tax will not solve the problem. What I think is that the government should make an awareness campaign about the danger of the fast food that will decrease the number of fast food ordering. Then, encourage people to exercise at least one hour a day will drop the fatness rates. For example, building a free sport zone will make the people to do some sport exercises. On the other hand, the idea of raising the tax on some fast eats restaurants is not bad. A research has made in Free University of Amsterdam about how the tax could change the life of people, they found that people in the USA avoid paying more taxes. To illustrate, if the government rises a higher tax on these types of unhealthy food people will not buy it because of the high price whether if that will not make them happier. In addition, the most health countries in the world are the countries where the people cook healthy food more than ordering a fast food. For an instance, in Syria the rate of fatness people has dropped in 2013 to 10% and that has to do with the cooking culture in the Syrian families. This proves clearly that the idea of making people cook their own healthy eats is better than make them buying from the fast meals restaurants. In conclusion, after a careful analysis of both point view. I believe that the rise of the tax can make the society healthier.
These days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
health issues in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of eating and drinking too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is up to the person and how he or she
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "carries", "carried".
carry
their health. While others believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
is responsible in this
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
case and
they should put more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
on the unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. This essay will discuss both side and draw my personal conclusion.

In on hand, impose a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
will not solve the problem. What I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
is that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
an awareness campaign about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that will decrease the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
ordering. Then, encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to exercise at least one hour a day will drop the fatness rates.
For example
, building a free sport zone will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sport exercises.

On the other hand
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of raising the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
eats restaurants is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
.
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
A research
has made in Free University of Amsterdam about how the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, they found that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the USA avoid paying more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
. To illustrate, if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
rises a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
on these types of unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the high price whether if that will not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them happier.

In addition
, the most health countries in the world are the countries where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cook healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
more than ordering a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. For an instance, in Syria the rate of fatness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
dropped in 2013 to 10% and that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
do with the cooking culture in the Syrian families. This proves
clearly
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cook their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
healthy eats is better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them buying from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
meals restaurants.

In conclusion
, after a careful analysis of both point view. I believe that the rise of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the society healthier.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. v. 28

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
325 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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