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In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Almost all of the countries do the tax system. This system aims to people who cannot buy their daily necessities. If people who are earning enormous sum of money through making the stuff which is extremely used in our life are controlled and limited by the government, they can not create the stuff which is revolutionary and creative. From these perspectives, I believe that the government shouldn’t control their salary. I discuss still more deeply in this essay. (72)

First of all, I want to take a person who is Steve Jobs as an example. He had been creating revolutionary things which are used by people all over the world until he died. If he hadn’t had enough money to invent them, they wouldn’t have been in the present world. People like him are high tax-players in a country that has the tax system. This contributes to their country and poor people. 

However, Some people who disagree with me absolutely point out about the people who don’t pay taxes. I think there are quite a few such people though, most of people are under arrest. After that they have to pay more than previous taxes. This is exception and also we do not need to think about it. 

In conclusion, people who are creative and active should have been making things to surprise the world forever. as a result, if there are people in trouble, the government help them. But the government must not control people who earn high salary.
Almost
Consider using “all the”.
all of the
countries do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
system. This system aims to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their daily necessities. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are earning enormous sum of money through making the stuff which is
extremely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in our life
are controlled
and limited by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, they can not create the stuff which is revolutionary and creative. From these perspectives, I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
shouldn’t control their salary. I discuss
still
more
deeply
in this essay. (72)
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace



Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
, I want to take a person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is Steve Jobs as an example. He had been creating revolutionary things which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all over the world until he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
. If he hadn’t had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to invent them, they wouldn’t have been in the present world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
like him are high tax-players in a country that has the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
system. This contributes to their country and poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace



However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
disagree with me
absolutely
point out about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
don’t pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there are quite a few such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
though, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are under arrest.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay more than previous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
. This is exception and
also
we do not need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about it.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace



In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are creative and active should have been making things to surprise the world forever.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
as
a result, if there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in trouble, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
earn high salary.
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IELTS essay In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
249 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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