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It is necessary for parents to attend a parenting training course to bring their children up. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is a very common situation which don’t know how to children up. Many parents are faced various situation which never faced before. Because it’s first time to became a parents in their life. that’s why everyone can’t mutual in every circumstance. Recently there is an issue about adopted children in Korea. Some parent bullied their adopted child cause of money issue. If they were ever had parents educating, this consequence wouldn’t happened. *For this reason they need parenting training. That will improve their parenting life and children’s life. However, there is no correct answer how to children up. Every humans are different. We should consider their individual instead of being the same. How can prevent every situation which it happens yet. and treat situation all the same way. I would say we need absolutely parenting educating. But only minimal. Education always helps us however that can’t give correct answer all the time. More important things are focus on individual.
It is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
which don’t know how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
up.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are faced
various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
which never faced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
it’s
first
time to
The verb after “to” should be in the base form: “become”.
became
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in their life.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
that
’s why everyone can’t mutual in every circumstance.

Recently there is an issue about adopted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in Korea.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
bullied their adopted child cause of money issue.

If they were ever had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
educating, this consequence wouldn’t
The modal verb ‘would’ requires the verb’s base form.
happened
. *
For this reason
they need parenting training.

That will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their parenting life and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
life.

However
, there is no correct answer how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
up.
‘Each’, ‘every’, ‘either’ and ‘neither’ are used with singular. Did you mean “all”?
Every
The noun should probably be in the singular form: “human”?
humans
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
. We should consider their individual
instead
of being the same.

How can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
which it happens
yet
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
and
treat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
all the same way.

I would say we need
absolutely
parenting educating.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
minimal.

Education always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us
however
that can’t give correct answer all the time. More
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things are focus on individual.
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IELTS essay It is necessary for parents to attend a parenting training course to bring their children up.

Essay
  American English
11 paragraphs
160 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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