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In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount of people can earn. Discuss both views and give your opinion

In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount of people can earn. Discuss both views and give your opinion B5Op
Nowadays, there are numerous necessity that we should buy, such as phone, public transport, social life and others. Due of that, in several nations implement the large number of salaries for their people. Meanwhile, the other side do not agree, and they think the government should control the number of salaries that people can earn. For this topic, I believe due to the increasing of number of necessity in people, government should soar the people salaries. First of all, Why the large number of salaries is crucial thing for people who live in that? It is due to people should buy numerous thing for fulfill what they need. In this modern era, life is not simple as you can eat and live in house, but you should pay your tax, children school tuition fee, and many things. For instance, in long time ago, it would be enough for people if they have had house and food. But, in this era, people should spend their money to fulfill their own life, social life, and so. In other hands, people do not agree with large number of salaries sometime true. It is because government should control the money that circulate in people. If government do not handle it, the countries will be collapse and can not sustain due to their currency to cheap than other nation. In conclusion, we can combine the extraordinary salaries and ordinary salaries. Government should give the appropriate salary to people for continue their live, but the circulating of money in the countries should be controlled.
Nowadays, there are numerous necessity that we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
, such as phone, public transport, social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
.
Did you mean to use the verb "do"?
Due
of that, in several nations implement the large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Meanwhile, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
, and they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should control the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can earn. For this topic, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the increasing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of necessity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should soar the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
salaries.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, Why the large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
is crucial thing for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in that? It is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
numerous thing for fulfill what they need. In this modern era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is not simple as you can eat and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
you should pay your tax, children school tuition fee, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things.
For instance
, in long time ago, it would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
if they have had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and food.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, in this era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should spend their money to fulfill their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hands,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
sometime true. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should control the money that circulate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
do not handle it, the countries will be collapse and can not sustain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to their currency to
Use "cheaper" to make a comparison with this adjective.
cheap
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nation.

In conclusion
, we can combine the extraordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
and ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should give the appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for continue their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the circulating of money in the countries should
be controlled
.
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IELTS essay In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount of people can earn. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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