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in some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. discuss both views and give your opinion. v.18

in some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. v. 18
In the world, there are states in which few people have huge income and the government have no control on them. While in other countries all people must tax related to their income. This is an important issue in the world and some bodies agree and others do not. In this essay we are going to discuss about the advantages or damaging effects of high salaries. In my view, earning numerous wealth, besides of respect, leads to comfort, health, safety etc. additionally, a rich person can cause economic growth by creating job opportunities and circulating money in the economy of the country. Of course, this advantage is subject to creating jobs for working people not to saving them as a gold or anything else. On the other hand, extremely high salaries can cause some difficulties including economic disparity. Consider a community in which just not many people can profit of the best facilities. Most of the people of this nation suffer discrimination due to the unfair distribution of facilities. As a fact, if most of wealth belongs to the limit group of people, then we will observe the growth poverty, reduction of the public satisfaction. Rather than, the economy of nations due to possessing just a small number of people of money, would be destroyed over time. To conclude, the way I see things, although receiving great salaries by some people can have seldom benefits, but it is a reason to disturb the balance in society. The government should keep the balance through taking taxes or limiting the amount of salaries.
In the world, there are states in which few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have huge income and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
have no control on them.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
in other countries all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
tax related to their income. This is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issue in the world and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
bodies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
do not. In this essay we are going to
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
advantages or damaging effects of high salaries.

In my view, earning numerous wealth,
besides
of respect, leads to comfort, health, safety etc.
additionally
, a rich person can cause economic growth by creating job opportunities and circulating money in the economy of the country.
Of course
, this advantage is subject to creating jobs for working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not to saving them as a gold or anything else.

On the other hand
,
extremely
high salaries can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
difficulties including economic disparity.

Consider a community in which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can profit of the best facilities. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of this nation suffer discrimination due to the unfair distribution of facilities. As a fact, if
Consider using "most wealth" or "most of the wealth".
most of wealth
belongs to the limit group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, then we will observe the growth poverty, reduction of the public satisfaction.
Rather
than, the economy of nations due to possessing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of money, would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
over time.

To conclude
, the way I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
things, although receiving great salaries by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can have seldom benefits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is a reason to disturb the balance in society. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the balance through taking taxes or limiting the amount of salaries.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay in some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. v. 18

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
261 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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