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In some counties, when someone gets old, they often go to live in a home with other older people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family?

In some counties, when someone gets old, they often go to live in a home with other older people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? NrmOb
In developed countries people are independent from teenage and when they get older and start their retirement life alone, in some countries government made for them old home age where they spend rest of their life and caretaker look after them. This essay will discuss both views rather than whether they live there or they live with their families. In order to do that, I believe old people and parents are the blessing in our homes. But in some societies the values are different and they prefer to live separate and they don’t have a joint family system. Mostly they start job life from early age and they are less careful about their elders, in those countries the government takes care of them, pays old age benefits and makes old age home for their convenience. In addition, according to a survey in America almost 70% of their elder people live in home shelters and authorities take care of them. Because of that it is an extra burden on the state budget to keep separate amounts for that and pay the salaries for nurses and other staff for those old age homes. On the other hand, in the sub continent countries Joint family system is very common and people are happy to live with parents and take care of them and their health issues. It is also important for the parents and elder people they are blessed to live with children and get emotional and financial support from them. For instance, In Pakistan there is a department for old people called “Employee old age benefit” where they can get financial support after their job life. In conclusion, I think it is the responsibility of families to take care of their parents and support them in retirement life. Nevertheless, the Government has also taken the responsibility of elder people in the country and provided them good health benefits and financial support.
In developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
The usual collocation for "independent" is "of" not "from". Did you mean "independent of"?
independent from
teenage and when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
older and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
alone, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "countries'" or "country's"?
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
made for them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
where they spend rest of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and caretaker look after them. This essay will discuss both views
rather
than whether they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
there or
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with their families.

In order to do that, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the blessing in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
societies the values are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
different and
they prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
separate and
they don’t have a joint family system.
Mostly
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
from early
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
age and
they are less careful about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders
, in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
takes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of them, pays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
benefits and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
home for their convenience.
In addition
, according to a survey in America almost 70% of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in home shelters and authorities take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of that it is an extra burden on the state budget to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
separate amounts for that and pay the salaries for nurses and other staff for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
homes.

On the other hand
, in the sub continent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
Joint family system is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are happy to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of them and their health issues. It is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
they
are blessed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with children and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
emotional and financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
from them.
For instance
, In Pakistan there is a department for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
called “Employee
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
benefit” where they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
after their job life.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is the responsibility of families to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
them in retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Nevertheless
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
has
also
taken the responsibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and provided them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health benefits and financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
.
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IELTS essay In some counties, when someone gets old, they often go to live in a home with other older people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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