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In some areas of the US, a Curfew is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be outdoors. After a particular time at night, unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this v.1

In some areas of the US, a Curfew is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be outdoors. After a particular time at night, unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this v. 1
The US has demarcated some of its areas, and implemented a curfew, which does not entertain teenagers outdoors after a specific time post-sunset unless they are in the company of an adult. In my opinion, I agree that youngsters should be accompanied by an elderly person when go out late evenings considering their safety in mind, especially for young girls and children. To begin with, though the safety and security of women have been taken into consideration as a high priority and necessary measures have been incorporated, the rate of assault, abduction, and rape of young girls in recent times has not reduced. For instance, on May 9th, 2019, a young girl who was returning home at 8 in the evening from a nearby store, was abducted and raped by a truck driver. Her condition was pronounced critical when reports were filed and she was found by the police at the assault's residence 2 days after the gruesome incident. It is such incidences that create fear in the minds of the elders, resulting in avoiding young girls from going out alone at night without their company. Furthermore, it is not only the young girls who are being shadowed at night, college-going boys who travel between stations after late-night jobs are also subjected to crime as well. For example, robbery and murder have increased in the lanes along the transit station. It is observed that most of the mobbed and injured are boys less than 18yrs of age. Due to such scenarios, school and college-going boys and girls are directed to not take shifts at night and if necessary, they stay in the company of a person elder to them until they get to a safe place. In conclusion, nowadays parts of the US are not safe enough for teenagers to roam around late night due to the increasing crime observed and it is for this reason, it is recommended that adults accompany the young ones when they have to go out at night during unavoidable circumstances.
The US has demarcated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of its areas, and implemented a curfew, which does not entertain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
outdoors after a specific time post-sunset unless they are in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
of an adult. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that youngsters should
be accompanied
by an elderly person when go out late evenings considering their safety in mind,
especially
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
and children.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, though the safety and security of women have
been taken
into consideration as a high priority and necessary measures have
been incorporated
, the rate of assault, abduction, and rape of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
in recent times has not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.
For instance
, on May 9th, 2019, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girl
who was returning home at 8 in the evening from a nearby store,
was abducted
and raped by a truck driver. Her condition
was pronounced
critical when reports were
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
filed and
she
was found
by the police at the assault's residence 2 days after the gruesome incident. It is such incidences that create fear in the minds of the elders, resulting in avoiding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
from going out alone at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
without their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

Furthermore
, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
who are
being shadowed
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
, college-going boys who travel between stations after late-night jobs are
also
subjected to crime
as well
.
For example
, robbery and murder have increased in the lanes along the transit station. It
is observed
that most of the mobbed and injured are boys less than 18yrs of age. Due to such scenarios, school and college-going boys and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
are directed
to not take shifts at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
and if necessary, they stay in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
of a person elder to them until they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to a safe place.

In conclusion
, nowadays parts of the US are not safe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to roam around late
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
due to the increasing crime observed and it is
for this reason
, it
is recommended
that adults accompany the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
ones when they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go out at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
during unavoidable circumstances.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In some areas of the US, a Curfew is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be outdoors. After a particular time at night, unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
8.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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