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In some area of the US, a ‘curfew’ is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion on this? v.8

In some area of the US, a ‘curfew’ is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion on this? v. 8
In few parts of United States curfew is imposed and kids are not sanctioned to visit outside their houses, but they could go outside along with a senior family member at night after a specific time. In my opinion, it is very necessary to keep youngsters safe and secure from out evils. In order to keep our immature ones safe, we should not allow them to wander outside alone. Because in late hours we see that many wild animals, move towards populated areas to find food for example Pigs are usually come out in the darkness to find food in the garbage so if the kids will go out at that time there are chances that wild animals can hurt children. Many cases have been reported since 2018 that Pigs attacked people in different areas. So not only minors, but also elders should stay at their places. Many criminals like to do street crimes and snatching valuable items from the general public at night because at night they won't allow CCTV cameras to capture their image while doing crime. The latest survey delineates that 90 % street crimes recorded in the last six months after evening hours and the rest of the other street crimes recorded in the morning. So If youngsters will stay at home after dusk they could save themselves from many catastrophic situations. For instance, if there is a dire need to go outside, then it is suggested that youth should go out with a mature person. So that a mature person from their family can look after and take care of children while they are outside in darkness. A conclusion can be drawn from this issue that, adolescent should confined at their residence after seeing darkness in the sky and law enforcement agencies should focus on providing security to not only kids, but citizens too, so that they can go outside their places at any time.
In few parts
A determiner is probably missing here: "of the United States".
of United States
curfew
is imposed
and kids are not sanctioned to visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they could go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
along with a senior family member at night after a specific time. In my opinion, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
youngsters safe and secure from out evils.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
our immature ones safe, we should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to wander
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
alone.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
in late hours we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
wild animals,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
towards populated areas to find food
for example
Pigs are
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out in the darkness to find food in the garbage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if the kids will go out at that time there are chances that wild animals can hurt children.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
cases have
been reported
since 2018 that Pigs attacked
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
areas.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
minors,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
elders should stay at their places.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
criminals like to do street
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
and snatching valuable items from the
Consider using "public".
general public
at night
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
at night they won't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
CCTV cameras to capture their image while doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. The latest survey delineates that 90 % street
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
recorded in the last six months after evening hours and the rest of the other street
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
recorded in the morning.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
If youngsters will stay at home after dusk they could save themselves from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
catastrophic situations.
For instance
, if there is a dire need to go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
, then it
is suggested
that youth should go out with a mature person.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that a mature person from their family can look after and take care of children while they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
in darkness.

A conclusion can
be drawn
from this issue that, adolescent should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "confine"
confined
at their residence after seeing darkness in the sky and law enforcement agencies should focus on providing security to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
kids,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
citizens too,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
their places at any time.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay In some area of the US, a ‘curfew’ is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion on this? v. 8

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
320 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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