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Some people think the best way to motivate and encourage people to work hard is to pay them based on how much they produce and sell. Do you agree or disagree? Include relevant examples from your own experience v.5

Some people think the best way to motivate and encourage people to work hard is to pay them based on how much they produce and sell. Include relevant examples from your own experience v. 5
It is thought by some that the main way people should be motivated and encouraged is by paying them according to their work input. In my view, I personally disagree with this. It is understandable why some people suggest the main means of getting the best out of the employees is by paying them in accordance to the work done; for instance paying them per hour or or having a share from the goods sold. They believe so because every worker desires to get the best pay possible. For this reason, they would be driven to put in more efforts in order to get reasonable wages; consequently, they would increase company's production and sales of products. Also, there would be increased competitiveness among the workers, as they would each be more forceful to get the job done, so that they can earn the highest salary. However, my personal take on this view is that company policies such as good salary scheme, improved welfare, provision of incentives and or awards is crucial to inspire work outputs in any given organisation. If employers avail workers with these, employees would be inspired to work hard. To exemplify, Dangote Group of companys reported that they record huge sales when staffs are given commission on the product sold. Thus, employees strive hardly to meet company's target when they are given incentives. In conclusion, while paying workers based on their tenacity could be quite motivating. In my opinion, I strongly disagree it the main method that could drive them to be hardworking.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that the main way
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
be motivated
and encouraged is by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paying
them according to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
input. In my view, I
personally
disagree with this.

It is understandable why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suggest the main means of getting the best out of the employees is by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paying
them in accordance to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
done;
for instance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paying
them per hour
Possible typo: you repeated a word
or or
having a share from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
sold. They believe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
desires to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the best pay possible.
For this reason
, they would
be driven
to put in more efforts in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
reasonable wages;
consequently
, they would increase
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's production and sales of products.
Also
, there would
be increased
competitiveness among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
, as they would each be more forceful to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the job done,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can earn the highest salary.

However
, my personal take on this view is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
policies such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
salary scheme,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
welfare, provision of incentives and or awards is crucial to inspire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
outputs in any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
. If employers avail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
with these, employees would
be inspired
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
. To exemplify,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dangote
Group of
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "companies", the plural form of the noun 'company'?
companys
reported that they record huge sales when staffs are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
commission on the product sold.
Thus
, employees
The adverb 'hardly' is usually put before the verb 'strive'.
strive hardly
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's target when they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
incentives.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
based on their tenacity could be quite motivating. In my opinion, I
strongly
disagree it the main method that could drive them to be hardworking.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people think the best way to motivate and encourage people to work hard is to pay them based on how much they produce and sell. Include relevant examples from your own experience v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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