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In some area of the US, a ‘curfew’ is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion on this? v.14

In some area of the US, a ‘curfew’ is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion on this? v. 14
It is true that some areas in the US avoid teenagers wandering outside at night, otherwise they need to be with an adult. Personally, I completely agree with this measure because of the benefits it brings. First of all, this measure of asking teenagers with an adult at night can protect their safety. As we may know, some cities in the US, such as Seattle, are suffering from serious gun problems and gang violence. There are many terrible incidents every year that local residents are hurt badly in the crime scene at night. So avoiding teenagers outside alone can prevent them from accidentally running into those fights and getting hurt, and having an adult can protect them in dangerous situations and make sure they can get home safely. Another point to be made is that having adults with teenagers at night can regulate their behaviour. We all know that teenagers like having fun with their friends, and those parties sometimes evolve alcohol and drugs. However, it is widely agreed that alcohol and drugs can cause serious damager to young people’s mental and physical health. For example, this year in the US, many kids died from consuming a fake drug that contains illegal and poisonous ingredients, and their families are almost destroyed by the lose of those lovely young kids. If there was an adult with them when those kids pretended to be adults and tries those drugs, this tragedy can surely be prevented. Therefore, I believe that the accompany of adults can stop young teenagers doing things that are not appropriate or even illegal at their ages. In conclusion, I completely agree with the action of having teenagers accompanied by an adult at night because it ensures their safety.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
areas in the US avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
wandering outside at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
,
otherwise
they need to be with an adult.
Personally
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this measure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the benefits it brings.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, this measure of asking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
with an adult at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
can protect their safety. As we may know,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cities in the US, such as Seattle, are suffering from serious gun problems and gang violence. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
terrible incidents every year that local residents
are hurt
badly
in the crime scene at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
avoiding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
outside alone can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from
accidentally
running into those fights and getting hurt, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
an adult can protect them in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
situations and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
home
safely
.

Another point to
be made
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
can regulate their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. We all know that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
fun with their friends, and those parties
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
evolve alcohol and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
.
However
, it is
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that alcohol and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
can cause serious
Possible spelling mistake found.
damager
to young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s mental and physical health.
For example
, this year in the US,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
from consuming a fake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
that contains illegal and poisonous ingredients, and their families are almost
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
by the
Did you mean "loose" (adjective) or "loss" (noun)?
lose
of those lovely young kids. If there was an adult with them when those kids pretended to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
and tries those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
, this tragedy can
surely
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
.
Therefore
, I believe that
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'accompany' is correct. If 'accompany' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the accompany
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
doing things that are not appropriate or even illegal at their ages.

In conclusion
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the action of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
accompanied by an adult at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it ensures their safety.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In some area of the US, a ‘curfew’ is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion on this? v. 14

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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