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In schools and university girls tend to choose art subjects while boys choose science subject What is the reason Should the trend be changed v.2

In schools and university girls tend to choose art subjects while boys choose science subject What is the reason Should the trend be changed v. 2
Undoubtedly, society is divided into two groups as per the distinct mindset of different people, therefore, this has become debatable subject that there is any categorization of selection of subject based on gender. This essay will not only shed light on both perceptions but also my point of view will be elaborated in conclusion. To commence with the first notion, there are myriad things to be shared. First of all, selection of science subject such as Medicine is quite good for girls. This is because, girls could have given more care and patience to those who are ill or disability to do normal routines. To exemplify, if there is any one is sick in any family, women’s come forward to give the proper care and facilities to get well fast. The second point is, nowadays it is observed that girls prefer arts subject, due to this phenomenon, girls shows they also have the talents same as the boys have, to exemplify, girls become the head of nations such as Germany, Finland, Bangladesh. Moving towards the second argument of this debate, the first point of this issue is that boys prefer science that arts, currently there are plethora of carrier opportunities in the field of health care. For instance, many boys are become nurses in India in recent years. Apart from this, boys are more energetic and healthier than girls to cop up the pandemic situations. During the outbreak of covid-19, health care workers spend 24/7 in hospitals in china and Italy. In conclusion, according to my perspective, choice upon the individual skills and abilities. Although, even boys and girls can put their effort in both in arts and science then the society and world get the result in all fields.
Undoubtedly
, society
is divided
into two groups as per the distinct mindset of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
therefore
, this has become debatable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
that there is any categorization of selection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
based on gender. This essay will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
shed light on both perceptions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
my point of view will
be elaborated
in conclusion
.

To commence with the
first
notion, there are myriad things to
be shared
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, selection of science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
such as Medicine is quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
could have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
and patience to those who are ill or disability to do normal routines. To exemplify, if there is
Did you mean "anyone"?
any one
is sick in any family, women’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
forward to give the proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
and facilities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
well
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
. The second point is, nowadays it
is observed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
prefer arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
, due to this phenomenon,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
they
also
have the talents same as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
have, to exemplify,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
become the head of nations such as Germany, Finland, Bangladesh.

Moving towards the second argument of this debate, the
first
point of this issue is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
prefer science that arts,
currently
there are plethora of carrier opportunities in the field of health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
are become
nurses in India in recent years. Apart from this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
are more energetic and healthier than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
to cop up the pandemic situations. During the outbreak of
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
covid-19
, health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
workers spend 24/7 in hospitals in
Capitalize this word if you mean the country, not white porcelain.
china
and Italy.

In conclusion
, according to my perspective, choice upon the individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and abilities. Although, even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
can put their effort in both in arts and science then the society and world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the result in all fields.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay In schools and university girls tend to choose art subjects while boys choose science subject What is the reason Should the trend be changed v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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