Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

In school and universities girls tend to choose art while boys like science What are the reasons for this trend and do you think this tendency should be changed v.1

In school and universities girls tend to choose art while boys like science What are the reasons for this trend and do you think this tendency should be changed v. 1
Some people believe that the tendency of negative news on the social network can cause damage for each person and all societies. I partially agree with this view; while it is may true in the same case, but in term of positive senses, focusing on the problems and emergencies also bring some benefits for people as well as society. There are some benefits of posting social problems on the media. Firstly, it offers citizens have real senses of their local area. Thus, they can avoid to troubles which are possibly evitable. For instance, when the warning crime or pickpocket was happening currently in the nearest area, everyone might will have methods to avoid from these problems when they have a road or buses. Secondly, protecting the security and safety at their country that are the responsibility of the authorities and all inhabitants. As a result, I believe that all people will give the measure in order to address this issue when people know exact information on the internet and social network as well. In spite of the benefits above, there are also some drawbacks which are considered serious problems. Firstly, people watches totally negative news too much that lead being capable of fears and always live without belief in each other. Furthermore, these problems and emergencies might affect directly to mental young people, because they can imitate bad behaviour and consider that has been happening steadily and normally at their society. Secondly, societies seem to be more issues and less positive development, it can cause increased migration in the country where has a lot of problems. Because people always find good accommodation and environment without concerning harmful to enjoy their life. In conclusion, I suppose that the reports of the media concentrate on negative issues instead of positive development can bring both benefits and drawbacks.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the tendency of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
news on the social network can cause damage for each person and all societies. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view; while it is may true in the same case,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in term of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
senses, focusing on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and emergencies
also
bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as well
as society.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
of posting social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
on the media.
Firstly
, it offers citizens have real senses of their local area.
Thus
, they can avoid to troubles which are
possibly
Possible spelling mistake found.
evitable
.
For instance
, when the warning crime or pickpocket was happening
currently
in the nearest area, everyone
Two modal verbs connected. Did you mean: "might, will", "might" or "will"?
might will
have methods to avoid from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
when they have a road or buses.
Secondly
, protecting the security and safety at their country that are the responsibility of the authorities and all inhabitants.
As a result
, I believe that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will give the measure in order to address this issue when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
know exact information on the internet and social network
as well
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
above, there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks which
are considered
serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
watches
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
news too much that lead being capable of fears and always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without belief in each other.
Furthermore
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and emergencies might affect
directly
to mental young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can imitate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and consider that has been happening
steadily
and
normally
at their society.
Secondly
, societies seem to be more issues and less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development, it can cause increased migration in the country where has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always find
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
accommodation and environment without concerning harmful to enjoy their life.

In conclusion
, I suppose that the reports of the media concentrate on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
issues
instead
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development can bring both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
and drawbacks.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In school and universities girls tend to choose art while boys like science What are the reasons for this trend and do you think this tendency should be changed v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts