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In recent years, there has been growing interest in the relationship between equality and personal achievement. Some people believe that individuals can achieve more in egalitarian societies. Others believe that high levels of personal achievement are possible only if individuals are free to succeed or fail according to their individual merits. What is your view of the relationship between equality and personal success? v.5

In recent years, there has been growing interest in the relationship between equality and personal achievement. Some people believe that individuals can achieve more in egalitarian societies. Others believe that high levels of personal achievement are possible only if individuals are free to succeed or fail according to their individual merits. What is your view of the relationship between equality and personal success? v. 5
These days, people have different views about the relationship between equality and personal success. It is believed that individuals' achievement can be better realized in an egalitarian society, but others think that individuals' achievement depends on personal merits. In my opinion, I entirely agree that equal society will help people gain more success. On the one hand, in egalitarian societies, people will have the same chances to access to education, which is one of the most important keys that leads people to success. Today’s compulsory education ensures that everyone, whether poor or rich, has opportunities to attend class; therefore, it allows individuals to achieve more. Specifically, while the children or young adults from wealthy families can have better preparation and condition during schooling time, the other poor people can also be provided free studying programs as well as affordable higher education. This makes sure that everyone has the same opportunities of having success. On the other hand, if people think they are living in an equal society, they will have more motivation to work hard and try their best. In employment, instead of worrying about discrimination, they will concentrate on work to excellently finish their tasks. For example, almost normal employees frequently afraid of competing with people whose family’s members already have a high position in society because this helps them winning promotion more easily. It can be seen that if equality always appears in various aspects of life, people will tend to try their best to achieve their goals; thereby, their abilities will also be fairly recognized. In conclusion, with all things considered, people can achieve more in egalitarian societies. From my perspective, this brings about many benefits to our communities.
These days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about the relationship between equality and personal success. It
is believed
that individuals' achievement can be better realized in an egalitarian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that individuals' achievement depends on personal merits. In my opinion, I
entirely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
gain more success.

On the one hand, in egalitarian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will have the same chances to access to education, which is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
keys that leads
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to success.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
’s compulsory education ensures that everyone, whether poor or rich, has opportunities to attend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
;
therefore
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
individuals to achieve more.
Specifically
, while the children or young adults from wealthy families can have better preparation and condition during schooling time, the other poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
also
be provided
free studying programs
as well
as affordable higher education. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
sure that everyone has the same opportunities of having success.

On the other hand
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they are living in an equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, they will have more motivation to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and try their best. In employment,
instead
of worrying about discrimination, they will concentrate on work to
excellently
finish their tasks.
For example
, almost normal employees
frequently
afraid of competing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
whose family’s members already have a high position in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them
The verb 'society' is used with an infinitive: "to win" or "win".
winning
promotion more
easily
. It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that if equality always appears in various aspects of life,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will tend to try their best to achieve their goals; thereby, their abilities will
also
be
fairly
recognized.

In conclusion
, with all things considered,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can achieve more in egalitarian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
. From my perspective, this brings about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits to our communities.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In recent years, there has been growing interest in the relationship between equality and personal achievement. Some people believe that individuals can achieve more in egalitarian societies. Others believe that high levels of personal achievement are possible only if individuals are free to succeed or fail according to their individual merits. What is your view of the relationship between equality and personal success? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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