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Some people think that museums should be enjoyable places to entertain people, while others believe that the purpose of museums is to educate. Discuss both views and give you own opinion. v.4

Some people think that museums should be enjoyable places to entertain people, while others believe that the purpose of museums is to educate. v. 4
People hold different views about the main function of museums should be whether entertaining people or serving for educating purposes. In my opinion, it is better for museums to reconcile two factors described above. On the one hand, it cannot be denied that entertainment plays an indispensable role in museums recently. Firstly, museum can be seen as a tourist attraction in which people find their pleasure from savouring fascinating collection of exhibits. In other words, almost of people take a visit at museums to enjoy myself instead of getting academic knowledge. Secondly, integrating amusement into traditional exhibitions makes it easier for museums attract people’s attention, especially the younger generation. Finally, visitors who come to museums to seek entertainment may find themselves learning more than their expectation. On the other hand, educating people is also an internal part of a museum. Museum provides the valuable information about history, culture or science to visitors via a variety of ways. The commentaries and storytelling, for instance, always give participants the knowledge that they have never known before. Additionally, tangible objects and collections that can be genuinely seen and touched make museum to be an ideal place for people to study as it offers people the precise views about history and other aspects. It is obvious that without museum it is very difficult for people to find other places that have the same learning advantages. In conclusion, it seems to me that museums should combine education and entertainment instead of splitting them into two separate parts.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
hold
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about the main function of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
should be whether entertaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or serving for educating purposes. In my opinion, it is better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
to reconcile two factors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
above.

On the one hand, it cannot
be denied
that entertainment plays an indispensable role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
recently.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a tourist attraction in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find their pleasure from
Possible spelling mistake found.
savouring
fascinating collection of exhibits. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, almost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take a visit at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
to enjoy myself
instead
of getting academic knowledge.
Secondly
, integrating amusement into traditional exhibitions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it easier for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
attention,
especially
the younger generation.
Finally
, visitors who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
to seek entertainment may find themselves learning more than their expectation.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is
also
an internal part of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
provides the valuable information about history, culture or science to visitors via a variety of ways. The commentaries and storytelling,
for instance
, always give participants the knowledge that they have never known
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Additionally
, tangible objects and collections that can be
genuinely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
and touched
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
to be an ideal place for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to study as it offers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the precise views about history and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
aspects. It is obvious that without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
places that have the same learning advantages.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
should combine education and entertainment
instead
of splitting them into two separate parts.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that museums should be enjoyable places to entertain people, while others believe that the purpose of museums is to educate. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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