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In recent years, the family structure and the role of its members are gradually changing. What kinds of changes can occur? Do you think these changes are positive or negative? v.3

In recent years, the family structure and the role of its members are gradually changing. What kinds of changes can occur? Do you think these changes are positive or negative? v. 3
In spite of the fact that Vietnam is one of the countries that has been infected by the devastating tragedy of the pandemic, some people hold a thought that it is necessary for students to go back to school. Personally, I partly agree with this idea and will discuss several compelling reasons in this essay. Om the one hand, it seems to be challenging to control the disease in schools. Firstly, children are hyperactive and not on alert for the pandemic; for example, it is inaccessible to make sure that they will strictly follow the rules of medical examination such as wearing masks, restricting going out, and washing their hands. As a result, infected students can spread to others rapidly. Secondly, the facilities of some educational centres are not sufficiently developed to ensure the safety of children. For instance, most schools in mountainous and rural areas do not have the good health care systems, as well as necessary medical equipment. Therefore, schools might become the ideal environment for the epidemic. On the other hand, some people might argue that prolonged school closures have affected the education of their children. The first common explanation for the debate is that students find it difficult to study academic lessons effectively without the interactions with their instructors. While dedicated teachers are taking advantage of high technology to create online courses, nobody can deny that the academic performance of students in their classes will not as successful as in schools. In addition, school closures will have a negative impact on the curriculum. For instance, some schools will add more school days in the summer, so students will have to go to school during the harsh summer weather. In conclusion, while corona virus outbreak certainly affects the study of students, I do believe that the government should think conscientiously before making a decision for students to return to school.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
the fact that Vietnam is one of the countries that has
been infected
by the devastating tragedy of the pandemic,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hold a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that it is necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to go back to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Personally
, I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and will discuss several compelling reasons in this essay.

Om the one hand, it seems to be challenging to control the disease in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
Firstly
, children are hyperactive and not on alert for the pandemic;
for example
, it is inaccessible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that they will
strictly
follow the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
of medical examination such as wearing masks, restricting going out, and washing their hands.
As a result
, infected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can spread to others
rapidly
.
Secondly
, the facilities of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
educational
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
are not
sufficiently
developed to ensure the safety of children.
For instance
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in mountainous and rural areas do not have the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health care systems,
as well
as necessary medical equipment.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
might become the ideal environment for the epidemic.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
might argue that prolonged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
closures have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the education of their children. The
first
common explanation for the debate is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
find it difficult to study academic lessons
effectively
without the interactions with their instructors. While dedicated teachers are taking advantage of high technology to create online courses, nobody can deny that the academic performance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in their classes will not as successful as in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
closures will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the curriculum.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
days in the summer,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
during the harsh summer weather.

In conclusion
, while
The term "coronavirus" (= disease) is spelled as one word.
corona virus
outbreak
certainly
affects the study of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, I do believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
conscientiously
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making a decision for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to return to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In recent years, the family structure and the role of its members are gradually changing. What kinds of changes can occur? Do you think these changes are positive or negative? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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