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In recent years, many small shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do their shopping. Is this positive or a negative statement? v.1

In recent years, many small shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do their shopping. Is this positive or a negative statement? v. 1
There are invariably some unexpected events happening to us in our lives. Some assert that we had better take upon these accidental incidents, while others insist that we need to do our best to alleviate them. In my opinion, we should face undesired occurrences and utilise our wisdom to reverse the table. From the perspective of the former, to accept it because (1) the event had happened; thus, we could not change anything past; (2) our lives need to continue so we have to face reality. A few years ago, my father-in-law passed away suddenly because of a heart attack and afterwards, my mother-in-law had depression, making my wife undertook all pressures in her family. The only decision she did was to embrace the accident and to continue her life as she was able to go back to the past. In terms of the latter, what we should do is to improve such circumstances through striving and positive actions. In their standpoints, given our lives had gone worse, we have to do active actions to prevent the situation from being worse and worse. For example, my saving was nearly run out of as I paid for the tuition fee and accommodation when I studied at the university; hence, I worked out a plan to save money in order to spend the difficulty. I did two part-time jobs and walked to the school, and only had meals at home. Only by doing this could I afford the tough period. In conclusion, the most challenging scenario is in light of how you cope with the unacceptable incident. I think that you can accept it, but you cannot let it go worse again; therefore, you have to brainstorm and make active decisions to overcome it.
There are
invariably
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unexpected
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
happening to us in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
assert that we had better take upon these accidental incidents, while others insist that we need to do our best to alleviate them. In my opinion, we should face undesired occurrences and
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
our wisdom to reverse the table.

From the perspective of the former, to accept it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
(1) the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
had happened;
thus
, we could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
anything past; (2) our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
need to continue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face reality. A few years ago, my father-in-law passed away
suddenly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a heart attack and afterwards, my mother-in-law had depression, making my wife undertook all pressures in her family. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
decision she did
This form is ambiguous and can be used as past tense. Confirm that you are using the intended base form of the main verb after 'to do' as an auxiliary verb..
was
to embrace the accident and to continue her life as she was able to go back to the past.

In terms of the latter, what we should do is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
such circumstances through striving and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
actions. In their standpoints,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
had gone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worse
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do active actions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the situation from being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worse
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worse
.
For example
, my saving was
nearly
run out of as I paid for the tuition fee and accommodation when I studied at the university;
hence
, I worked out a plan to save money in order to spend the difficulty. I did two part-time jobs and walked to the school, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
had meals at home.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
by doing this could I afford the tough period.

In conclusion
, the most challenging scenario is in light of how you cope with the unacceptable incident. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that you can accept it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
you cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
it go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worse
again;
therefore
, you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
brainstorm and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
active decisions to overcome it.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In recent years, many small shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do their shopping. Is this positive or a negative statement? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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