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The charts below show the primary purposes for British people leaving their country in 1999 and the amount of those people who left the country for less than a week. v.1

The charts below show the primary purposes for British people leaving their country in 1999 and the amount of those people who left the country for less than a week. v. 1
In today’s world the number of traffic accidents is constantly rising as well as the number of injuries and deaths they cause. A better regulative approach is required for traffic accidents can be reduced. Some people say that changing the drivers’ age limits is the best solution to the problem. However, there are other, more practical ways to deal with this problem. One alternative is imposing heavier fines at the drivers who exceed the permitted alcohol consumption. According to recent data, a great proportion of traffic accidents has alcohol as its reason. Utilising technology and installing devices that detect drunk drivers and lock car ignition can be used to keep people with a track record of drunk driving off the roads. On some occasions and for repeat offenders in particular, a prison sentence may also be considered. Furthermore, people should be better educated and more careful while behind the wheel. To be more specific, people should learn to obey road rules and respect the other drivers instead of causing tension or submitting to road rage. In addition, heavy fines should also be levied for exceeding speed limits. Last but not least, safer and wider roads should be constructed to make for easier and more comfortable driving. Tightening age limits for drivers can be a complementary approach. For example, the elderly with vision problems or other important health issues should be excluded from driving. Besides, young people under 18 years old are considered immature to drive. However, maturity does not necessarily always increases with one’s age, which is why other measures are needed for reducing dangerous driving. In conclusion, I believe that stronger measures should be implemented for the prevention of traffic accidents, and drivers should have a more responsible attitude. Setting age limits could be helpful, but should not be considered the optimal and only solution to the problem.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
is
constantly
rising
as well
as the number of injuries and deaths they cause. A better regulative approach
is required
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that changing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drivers’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
limits
is the best solution to the problem.
However
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, more practical ways to deal with this problem.

One alternative is imposing heavier fines at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drivers
who exceed the permitted alcohol consumption. According to recent data, a great proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
has alcohol as its reason.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Utilising' is British English.
Utilising
technology and installing devices that detect drunk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drivers
and lock car ignition can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
record of drunk driving off the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
. On
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
occasions and for repeat offenders
in particular
, a prison sentence may
also
be considered
.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be better educated and more careful while behind the wheel. To be more specific,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should learn to obey
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and respect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drivers
instead
of causing tension or submitting to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
rage.
In addition
, heavy fines should
also
be levied
for exceeding speed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
limits
. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, safer and wider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
should
be constructed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
for easier and more comfortable driving.

Tightening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
limits
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drivers
can be a complementary approach.
For example
, the elderly with vision problems or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
health issues should
be excluded
from driving.
Besides
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
under 18 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
are considered
immature to drive.
However
, maturity does not
necessarily
always increases with one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, which is why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
measures
are needed
for reducing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
driving.

In conclusion
, I believe that stronger measures should
be implemented
for the prevention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drivers
should have a more responsible attitude. Setting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
limits
could be helpful,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
should not
be considered
the optimal and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
solution to the problem.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The charts below show the primary purposes for British people leaving their country in 1999 and the amount of those people who left the country for less than a week. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
309 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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