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In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or negative development? v.9

In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 9
Athletic events around the world have become a major attraction nowadays that gathers an enormous amount of attention. The message world athletes sent in the past were that of ‘doing your best’ or striving to do better, breaking records set by others. This now seems outdated and naïve as winners aim only to secure as much money as they can get or strive for publicity. The negative effects of this change in mentality, especially for the young, are many and also affect the sports themselves. If we look at the message sent to spectators, old and young alike, it is easy to understand why people these days only chase after the money. Athletes who are promoted into serving as role models for younger people seem to be teaching children the financial value of winning, not the spiritual satisfaction of competing. Success is all that matters. The end justifies the means as attempting to do something and failing leaves one solely with the result of failure and not with the taste of a challenge one has faced and fought bravely against. A person who does not win will be discouraged and not try again since the desired result -- being rewarded by others -- is not achieved. You become great only in view of how others see you, not in your mind’s eye. This inevitably has detrimental effects on athletic events themselves. Firstly, the increasing phenomenon of doping in all sporting competitions, shows that the motto “the end justifies the means” is devoutly followed by major athletes who surely do not need chemical substances to prove their worth. Secondly, unhealthy rivalry between athletes or even teams is the most obvious result of the way sports are seen. This rivalry is transferred off-court as well, and hatred between fans of opposing teams arises with the need to feel that they are on the winning side. All in all, sports has been smothered by the reigning spirit of the times, namely greed, and this has brought about negative messages that range from cheating with the use of violence as a means to satisfy the desire to win. Unfortunately, we are a long way from the lessons taught by the ancient Greeks, the most important of which stressed the co-existence of a healthy mind in a healthy body.
Athletic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
around the world have become a major attraction nowadays that gathers an enormous amount of attention. The message world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
in the past were that of ‘doing your best’ or striving to do better, breaking records set by others. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
seems outdated and naïve as winners aim
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to secure as much money as they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
or strive for publicity. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in mentality,
especially
for the young, are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
and
also
affect the sports themselves.

If we look at the message
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to spectators,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and young alike, it is easy to understand why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
these days
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
chase after the money.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Athletes
who
are promoted
into serving as role models for younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
seem to be teaching children the financial value of winning, not the spiritual satisfaction of competing. Success is all that matters. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
justifies the means as attempting to do something and failing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
one
solely
with the result of failure and not with the taste of a challenge one has faced and fought
bravely
against. A person who does not win will
be discouraged
and not try again since the desired result --
being rewarded
by others -- is not achieved. You become great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in view of how others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
you, not in your mind’s eye.

This
inevitably
has detrimental effects on athletic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
themselves.
Firstly
, the increasing phenomenon of doping in all sporting competitions,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the motto “the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
justifies the means” is
devoutly
followed by major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
who
surely
do not need chemical substances to prove their worth.
Secondly
, unhealthy rivalry between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
or even teams is the most obvious result of the way sports are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
. This rivalry
is transferred
off-court
as well
, and hatred between fans of opposing teams arises with the need to feel that they are on the winning side.

All in all, sports has
been smothered
by the reigning spirit of the times,
namely
greed, and this has brought about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
messages that range from cheating with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of violence as a means to satisfy the desire to win. Unfortunately, we are a long way from the lessons taught by the ancient Greeks, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
of which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
the co-existence of a healthy mind in a healthy body.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
384 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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