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Some peple argue that sports stars are paid too much for what they do

Some peple argue that sports stars are paid too much for what they do eAWM7
Nowadays, sports is becoming a popular form of entertainment and sports stars emerging as a phenomenon all over the world. Specifically, the number of people watching sports on TV and electronic devices such as phones and computers is rapidly increasing so the income of athletes is very high. Some people argue that these stars are paid too much for what they do. I completely disagree with this idea and in this essay I will support my opinion with examples. Firstly, it’s reasonable that they are paid lots of money. As we know, to become well-known, these athletes had to go through a period of hard training and under pressure. They had to practice from dusk till dawn every day. Sometimes they were not joined the competition although they were willing to do it. Besides, they had to exchange many things such as lacking of sleep time or time for family even blood and tear. Another reason why I disagree with this idea as besides sports, these stars can still earn money from other jobs by their famous For example, they can receive advertising from brands of sport shoes or represent big brands. Particularly in this field, the number they can earn is extremely huge. Moreover, some athletes will be rewarded handsomely for winning games. On the other hand, there is an argument that sports stars are overpaid. This problem can cause some negative effect. For example, some of them become lazy in training. Besides, teenager will want to be a sport athlete in order so they tend to give up learning culture at school. In conclusion, although some people think that sports stars does not deserve to be paid too much, I believe that they are totally worthy. Personally, I think anyone can be a sports star and earn money from this job.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is becoming a popular form of entertainment and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
emerging as a phenomenon all over the world.
Specifically
, the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
on TV and electronic devices such as phones and computers is
rapidly
increasing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the income of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
are paid
too much for what they do. I completely disagree with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and in this essay I will support my opinion with examples.

Firstly
, it’s reasonable that they
are paid
lots of money. As we know, to become well-known, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
had to go through a period of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
training and under pressure. They had to practice from dusk till dawn every day.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
they were not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
the competition although they were willing to do it.
Besides
, they had to exchange
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things such as lacking of sleep time or time for family even blood and tear.

Another reason why I disagree with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
as
besides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
can
still
earn money from other jobs by their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
For example
, they can receive advertising from brands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
shoes or represent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
brands.
Particularly
in this field, the number they can earn is
extremely
huge.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
will
be rewarded
handsomely
for winning games.

On the other hand
, there is an argument that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
are overpaid. This problem can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them become lazy in training.
Besides
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
will want to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athlete
in order
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they tend to give up learning culture at school.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
does not deserve to
be paid
too much, I believe that they are
totally
worthy.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
anyone can be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
star and earn money from this job.
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IELTS essay Some peple argue that sports stars are paid too much for what they do

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
303 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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