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In recent decades, playing computer games has become a popular activity for children of all ages. Many people claim that this hobby offers few benefits beyond entertainment or relaxation and may, in fact, be harmful to a child's development. Do you agree with this statement

In recent decades, playing computer games has become a popular activity for children of all ages. Many people claim that this hobby offers few benefits beyond entertainment or relaxation and may, in fact, be harmful to a child's development. mLqjA
Playing computer games has become a contemporary trend as a leisure activity, which has a significant impact on the young generations. In spite of the fact that this hobby may be beneficial in some ways, it might have serious damage on children’s development. Regarding the advantages that playing games has brought about, it seems like this activity does improve children’s abilities. Firstly, games which demand for continuous communication are likely to encourage children to interact more with their teammates. Another positive effect is that this will enhance their critical thinking by forming tactics to address a problem. For instance, in a battlefield or team fight tactic match, when surrounded by enemies, teams have to put forward a suitable strategy in order to minimize the risk of member lost or how to eliminate as many players as possible. On the other hand, exposure to games in a long period of time may lead to unintended consequences. Firstly, this hobby when spent too much time in loops of matches is considered to be time-consuming, thus, children will procrastinate on their school works. As a result, their educational records are negatively affected. Another detrimental effect is that this will result in the sedentary lifestyle, which is led by a large number of children. In comparison to other activities, this seems to be the least physically demanding. Therefore, without insufficient exercise, children are more likely to prone to various health deteriorations such as obesity or even cardiovascular diseases. Having considered both sides, I think that playing computer games, a common means of entertainment, will improve children’s skill set for future use. However, I also believe that this hobby should involve parental guidance to ensure the comprehensive development of their children.
Playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
has become a contemporary trend as a leisure activity, which has a significant impact on the young generations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
the fact that this hobby may be beneficial in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways, it might have serious damage on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
development.

Regarding the advantages that playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
has brought about, it seems like this activity does
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
abilities.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which demand for continuous communication are likely to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to interact more with their teammates. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect is that this will enhance their critical thinking by forming tactics to address a problem.
For instance
, in a battlefield or team fight tactic match, when surrounded by enemies, teams
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
put forward a suitable strategy in order to minimize the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of member lost or how to eliminate as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
players as possible.

On the other hand
, exposure to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in a long period of time may lead to unintended consequences.
Firstly
, this hobby when spent too much time in loops of matches
is considered
to be time-consuming,
thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will procrastinate on their school works.
As a result
, their educational records are
negatively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
. Another detrimental effect is that this will result in the sedentary lifestyle, which
is led
by
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
In comparison
to other activities, this seems to be the least
physically
demanding.
Therefore
, without insufficient exercise,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more likely
Did you mean "too prone to"?
to prone to
various health
Possible spelling mistake found.
deteriorations
such as obesity or even cardiovascular diseases.

Having considered both sides, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, a common means of entertainment, will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
set for future
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
However
, I
also
believe that this hobby should involve parental guidance to ensure the comprehensive development of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
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IELTS essay In recent decades, playing computer games has become a popular activity for children of all ages. Many people claim that this hobby offers few benefits beyond entertainment or relaxation and may, in fact, be harmful to a child's development.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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