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In recent decades, children’s personality has been a controversial topic. While there has been a school of thought that children should be encouraged to participate in competition,

In recent decades, children’s personality has been a controversial topic. While there has been a school of thought that children should be encouraged to participate in competition, WGxXq
In recent decades, children’s personality has been a controversial topic. While there has been a school of thought that children should be encouraged to participate in competition, opponents argue that it is better to teach the youth corporation rather than contest. Personally, by analyzing both views, I endorse the latter one. To begin with, it is understandable why people prefer promoting a sense of fighting among adolescents. The main justification is that children can gain lots of popularity as well as experience. In other words, when becoming the winner after competition, children can grab the attention due to their results. And if unfortunately, when failing, young contestants are able to learn the lesson after their losing, they can enrich themselves with new knowledge together with practical experience and are willing to start a new target. Huy Hoang, a member of a super intelligent team, perfectly exemplifies this situation. After having loosen participants in the past, the success in the last competition demonstrated his efforts. This puts the emphasis on the sense of competition among children. On the other hand, despite the aforementioned reason, I still suppose that insteading of stimulating competition in youth, corporations are more beneficial. The key factor is that corporations nourish the soul and spirit of a child. Joining teamwork, adults can not only express their emotions but get useful advice as well through social activities and discussion. They could learn what they need in a free method instead of being forced to compete with others. This lays the foundation for the comfort in the learning process with high quality. In fact, by attending corporations, American pupils can get the higher productivity in results at school rather than contests. It is the testament to the crucial role of corporations. Taking everything into consideration, with these aspects outlined above, although both are advantageous for children, from my own perspective, I wholeheartedly concur that corporations are still better.
In recent decades,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
personality has been a controversial topic. While there has been a school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be encouraged
to participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
, opponents argue that it is better to teach the youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
corporation
rather
than contest.
Personally
, by analyzing both views, I endorse the latter one.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is understandable why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer promoting a sense of fighting among adolescents. The main justification is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can gain lots of popularity
as well
as experience.
In other words
, when becoming the winner after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can grab the attention due to their results. And if unfortunately, when failing, young contestants are able to learn the lesson after their losing, they can enrich themselves with new knowledge together with practical experience and are willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a new target.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Huy
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hoang
, a member of a super intelligent team,
perfectly
exemplifies this situation. After having loosen participants in the past, the success in the last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
demonstrated his efforts. This puts the emphasis on the sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
among children.

On the other hand
, despite the aforementioned reason, I
still
suppose that
Possible spelling mistake found.
insteading
of stimulating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
in youth,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
corporations
are more beneficial. The key factor is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
corporations
nourish the soul and spirit of a child. Joining teamwork, adults can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
express their emotions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
useful advice
as well
through social activities and discussion. They could learn what they need in a free method
instead
of
being forced
to compete with others. This lays the foundation for the comfort in the learning process with high quality. In fact, by attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
corporations
, American pupils can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the higher productivity in results at school
rather
than contests. It is the testament to the crucial role of corporations.

Taking everything into consideration, with these aspects outlined above, although both are advantageous for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, from my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspective, I
wholeheartedly
concur that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
corporations
are
still
better.
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IELTS essay In recent decades, children’s personality has been a controversial topic. While there has been a school of thought that children should be encouraged to participate in competition,

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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