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Are famous people treated  unfairly by the media? Should they be given privacy or not?D.B.V.G

Are famous people treated unfairly by the media? Should they be given privacy or not? D. B. V. G MwDKo
It is widely true that media has a freedom to expose the life of celebrities. Even though eminent persons are not given proper treatment by the media due to several reasons, i personally opine that they deserve privacy. Getting limelight all the time has become a need of majority of prominent people owing to two main reasons. Firstly, posting there private lives on social media has become trend for today's celebrities since they are desperate to flaunt their relationships or fashion, style for catching publics' attention. However, if they stop getting media attention, it could even hurt their career prospects. Besides this, general public has more curiosity to know about what is happening in the life of their favourite celebrity; therefore, media cater to their needs by providing celebrities' news and gossip. Because of all these things media enters into the personal lives of people. As a consequence, these stars enjoy the fame among viewers given by media either it is in a respectable manner or not. For instance, a study revealed that 60% of iconic actors upload their private videos on social platform in order to grab the public views and popularity. For this reason media highlights the social posts posted by celebrities for increasing the TRP of their channel. That being said, in my view celebrities' privacy should be respected by media as they are also human beings who may not want media to dig into their person details. In view of the fact that every human has a right to privacy hence, celebrities are not different who may not want their private matters public. Otherwise, some prominent  people may be going through a painful break up or depression at specific times. But media discuss the famous people by crossing its limits which could create serious issues for these celebrities as well as their family. Consequently, it becomes uphill task for such eminent  people to live independently. Rather than exposing  their family matters into public, if media works appropriately, it could bring benefits to their job as media has obligation to respect the privacy of celebrities as well. In conclusion, although some prominent people enjoy the fame given by media, not only media should be grown literate in terms of respecting privacy of popular people but also it must do their duty honestly.
It is
widely
true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has a freedom to expose the life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
.
Even though
eminent persons are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
proper treatment by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
due to several reasons,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
personally
opine that they deserve privacy.

Getting limelight all the time has become a need of majority of prominent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
owing to two main reasons.
Firstly
, posting there private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
on social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has become trend for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
since they are desperate to flaunt their relationships or fashion, style for catching
Possible spelling mistake found.
publics
' attention.
However
, if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
attention, it could even hurt their career prospects.
Besides
this, general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
has more curiosity to know about what is happening in the life of their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
;
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
cater to their needs by providing celebrities' news and gossip.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
of all these things
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
enters into the personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. As a consequence, these stars enjoy the fame among viewers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
either it is
Consider replacing "in a respectable manner" with the adverb for "respectable"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a respectable manner
or not.
For instance
, a study revealed that 60% of iconic actors upload their private videos on social platform in order to grab the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
views and popularity.
For this reason
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
highlights the social posts posted by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
for increasing the TRP of their channel.

That
being said
, in my view celebrities' privacy should
be respected
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
as they are
also
human beings who may not want
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
to dig into their person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
. In view of the fact that every human has a right to privacy
hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
who may not want their private matters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
.
Otherwise
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
prominent
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may be going through a painful break up or depression at specific times.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
discuss the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by crossing its limits which could create serious issues for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
as well
as their family.
Consequently
, it becomes uphill task for such eminent
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
independently
.
Rather
than exposing
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
their family matters into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
works
appropriately
, it could bring benefits to their job as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has obligation to respect the privacy of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
as well
.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
prominent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy the fame
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
should
be grown
literate in terms of respecting privacy of popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
do their duty
honestly
.
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IELTS essay Are famous people treated unfairly by the media? Should they be given privacy or not? D. B. V. G

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
385 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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