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In our country, the citizens believe that it is the responsibility of the government to take care of citizen’s health. However, the government thinks that it is the citizen’s responsibility they take care of their health. What is your opinion?

In our country, the citizens believe that it is the responsibility of the government to take care of citizen’s health. However, the government thinks that it is the citizen’s responsibility they take care of their health. What is your opinion? 2a52j
The progress of any country depends upon the health of its citizens. Many people think that the government must take control of the health of the citizens, while others think that citizens must be aware of their health. In my opinion, both the government and citizens must come together and work as a team. Education about health plays an important role to make understand people what is hazardous to health and what can be taken in ample amount. This can be practised in an early age like in schools because it is easy to learn new things in childhood and when children learn to practiced the good eating habits, they will continue it for lifelong. Like in Japan, the kids are educated about the health and food in schools. So they know, how to live longer and why it is important  to change their eating patterns. On the other hand in U. S. , there are not such practise following in schools, so the kids end up in many dieases in their later days like obesity, heart diease, early deaths and many other. The more the citizens educated about their health in an early age, the better they understand to take charge of their life. As we understand above how people can be educated in childhood, so they do not depend on anyone and take care of themselves. In this regard the government must make some rules to lower down the excess of advertisement of junk food as it is having more of sugar and fat only. The companies advertise these products so powerfully, that despite of knowing its adverse effect on health, people go and eat these food almost on a daily basis. The government must play an important role here to restrict the advertisement and save the country. Except this, smoking should be banned in all public places. In conclusion, we can see that both the government and citizens come in front as a whole and work for the wellness of all. Education about health is must in schools as well as throuout life.
The progress of any country depends upon the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take control of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be aware of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. In my opinion, both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
together and work as a team.

Education about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
understand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
what is hazardous to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and what can
be taken
in ample amount. This can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'practised' is British English.
practised
in an early age like in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is easy to learn new things in childhood and when children learn
Did you mean "to practice"?
to practiced
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
eating habits, they will continue it for lifelong. Like in Japan, the kids
are educated
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and food in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they know, how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer and why it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their eating patterns.
On the other hand
in U. S.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
there are not such
Possible spelling mistake. 'practise' is British English.
practise
following in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
dieases
in their later days like obesity, heart
Possible spelling mistake found.
diease
, early deaths and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possibly, a noun is missing after 'other'. Or do you mean "others"?
other
. The more the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
educated about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
in an early age, the better they
The verb 'understand' is used with the gerund form: "understand taking".
understand to take
charge of their life.

As we understand above how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
be educated
in childhood,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they do not depend on anyone and take care of themselves. In this regard the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
to lower down the excess of
The usual collocation for "advertisement" is "for" not "of". Did you mean "advertisement for"?
advertisement of
junk food as it is having more of sugar and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
advertise these products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
powerfully
, that
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
knowing its adverse effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go and eat
Did you mean "this food" or "these foods"?
these food
almost on a daily basis. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role here to restrict the advertisement and save the country. Except this, smoking should
be banned
in all public places.

In conclusion
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
The usual preposition for "in front" is "of". Did you mean "in front of"?
in front as
a whole and work for the wellness of all. Education about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
as well
as
Possible spelling mistake found.
throuout
life.
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IELTS essay In our country, the citizens believe that it is the responsibility of the government to take care of citizen’s health. However, the government thinks that it is the citizen’s responsibility they take care of their health. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
346 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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