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IN SPITE OF THE ADVANCES MADE IN AGRICULTURE, MANY PEOPLE AROUND TH WORLD STILL GO HUNGRY

IN SPITE OF THE ADVANCES MADE IN AGRICULTURE, MANY PEOPLE AROUND TH WORLD STILL GO HUNGRY wen5e
We have made several improvements in the agriculture sector, such as agricultural machinery, pesticides, nutrients, process of agriculture, hybrid corps to face problems and so on. However, even with all these improvements many people around the world go hungry without the food. There are couple of cases why this is the case. The first simple reason is that the number of people is simply too great to feed. Even with all the technology and increased facility farmers cannot produce that much food for the people. Secondly, there is a vast number of middle man in the system which causes the number of the people. The farmer produces the corps then it goes to transportation sector then it goes to local people. In between every sector the price of the corps increases drastically. As a result many people cannot afford that much money and goes hungry. Another reason would be the dishonesty of the business people. These dishonest people control the market with their supply and sets high value to gain profit easily and get rich quickly. As a result people cannot buy food with their limited salary. Futhermore, in third world country many of the technology isn't affordable. However they are the one who needs it badly. The number of people is high but the supply of food is less. That is the reason a big portion of people goes hungry. Lastly, the poor management of food supply and the full processing section by the government. Which is another big reason for people to stay hungry. In Bangladesh, the dishonest business people created a syndicate which controlled the price of tomatoes and onions. They increased the cost too high as a result the vegetables were out of reach from common people. All of the problems can be solved, if government took necessary steps to control the market and the developed country helped the poor country by sharing their technology.
We have made several improvements in the agriculture sector, such as agricultural machinery, pesticides, nutrients, process of agriculture, hybrid corps to face problems and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
However
, even with all these improvements
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hungry
without the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. There are
It seems that an article is missing.
couple of
cases why this is the case. The
first
simple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is
simply
too great to feed. Even with all the technology and increased facility farmers cannot produce that much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Secondly
, there is a vast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
in the system which causes the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The farmer produces the corps then it goes to transportation sector then it goes to local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In between every sector the price of the corps increases
drastically
.
As a result
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot afford that much money and goes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hungry
. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
would be the dishonesty of the business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. These dishonest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
control the market with their supply and sets high value to gain profit
easily
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rich
quickly
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a result
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
with their limited salary.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Futhermore
, in third world country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the technology isn't affordable.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
they are the one who needs it
badly
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is high
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the supply of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is less.
That is
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
portion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
goes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hungry
.
Lastly
, the poor management of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
supply and the full processing section by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. Which is another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hungry
. In Bangladesh, the dishonest business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
created a syndicate which controlled the price of tomatoes and onions. They increased the cost too high
as a result
the vegetables were out of reach from common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Consider using "all the".
All of the
problems can
be solved
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
took necessary steps to control the market and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
the poor country by sharing their technology.
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IELTS essay IN SPITE OF THE ADVANCES MADE IN AGRICULTURE, MANY PEOPLE AROUND TH WORLD STILL GO HUNGRY

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
319 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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