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In order to be successful at a sport, some think you must be physically strong while others believe mental strength is more important. Discuss both the views and your opinion v.1

In order to be successful at a sport, some think you must be physically strong while others believe mental strength is more important. 1
Sports are a quintessential aspect of the society these days. Some people assert that physical fitness like robust physique and stamina has paramount importance in sports whereas others believe that mental toughness, confidence and determination plays a vital role. This essay examines both the sides and my perspective regarding it. Emphatically, sports and fitness are closely intertwined. Being robust is the rudimentary criteria for most of the sports athletes. Although, mental fortitude is obligatory while playing a sport, physical stamina and endurance can enhance the performance of the sports person. Moreover, having a muscular and agile body will invariably aid to achieve in games. For instance, a sprinter who has an athletic physique can run faster than an obese player because of his physique. Hence body strength has sheer importance in sports. Ostensibly, confidence and determination are imperative while participating in a competition. A sports player with strong mind can concentrate and succeed without any qualms. Certainly, a player with a frail mind will fail eventually owing to poor focus. Additionally, continuous practice and strong willpower attribute to victory. For example, while playing cricket, the bowler has to be mentally strong whenever the opponent hits sixes. He should not lose focus. In spite, he should bowl more confidently which will help him to play efficiently. Therefore, mental strength has distinctive merits. I reckon that, both physical and mental fitness is mandatory in sports events in order to reach the pinnacle of success. In conclusion, the equilibrium of mind and body strength can facilitate an individual to accomplish triumph in sports. Having one attribute without the other is nugatory.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
are a quintessential aspect of the society these days.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
assert that physical fitness like robust physique and stamina has paramount importance in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
whereas others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
toughness, confidence and determination plays a vital role. This essay examines both the sides and my perspective regarding it.

Emphatically
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and fitness are
closely
intertwined. Being robust is the rudimentary criteria for most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
athletes. Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
fortitude is obligatory while playing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, physical stamina and endurance can enhance the performance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
person.
Moreover
, having a muscular and agile body will
invariably
aid to achieve in games.
For instance
, a sprinter who has an athletic physique can run faster than an obese player
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his physique.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
body strength has sheer importance in sports.

Ostensibly
, confidence and determination are imperative while participating in a competition. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
player with strong mind can concentrate and succeed without any qualms.
Certainly
, a player with a frail mind will fail
eventually
owing to poor focus.
Additionally
, continuous practice and strong willpower attribute to victory.
For example
, while playing cricket, the bowler
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be mentally strong whenever the opponent hits sixes. He should not lose focus. In spite, he should bowl more
confidently
which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
him to play
efficiently
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
strength has distinctive merits.

I reckon that, both physical and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
fitness is mandatory in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
in order to reach the pinnacle of success.
In conclusion
, the equilibrium of mind and body strength can facilitate an individual to accomplish triumph in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. Having one attribute without the other is nugatory.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In order to be successful at a sport, some think you must be physically strong while others believe mental strength is more important. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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