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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In order for a business to succeed, it must put more money in advertising.

In order for a business to succeed, it must put more money in advertising. RN0go
No matter how we pride ourselves on our taste, none of us can get away with the influence of advertising. Many of the advertising is so persuasive that people can't force back their strong urge to obtain it. Besides, it acts like a ghost that haunts people everywhere. Therefore, I strongly support the idea that advertising is a must for successful business. First of all, as I mention before, nowadays advertising in our lives is as dominant as books in the library. Thanks to the popularization of media such as television, internet and radio and so on, advertising drowns us deeply in such a. . .
No matter how we pride ourselves on our taste, none of us can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
away with the influence of advertising.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of the advertising is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
persuasive that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can't force back their strong urge to obtain it.
Besides
, it acts like a ghost that haunts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
everywhere.
Therefore
, I
strongly
support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that advertising is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
for successful business.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, as I mention
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, nowadays advertising in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
is as dominant as books in the library. Thanks to the popularization of media such as television, internet and radio and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, advertising drowns us
deeply
in such
Did you forget something after 'a'?
a.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.

IELTS essay In order for a business to succeed, it must put more money in advertising.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
106 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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